EVOLVING MINDSETS, CULTIVATING AUTHENTICITY AND CREATING IMPACT w Bobbie-Ann Poulton

What if you could completely reinvent your business and stand out from the crowd through disruptive marketing? Get ready to ignite your inner fire and discover the power of self-discovery and authenticity in my conversation with Bobby Ann Poulton, a disruptive business coach who helps online service providers communicate their value. After a major surgery forced her to rebuild her identity and career from the ground up, Bobby's journey from studying Sports and Exercise Science to becoming a mindset and business coach has been nothing short of inspiring.

In today's episode, we delve into the conditioning we face from the moment of conception and how questioning our beliefs can lead to resistance, fear, and loss of acceptance. Bobby shares her transformative experience of a 10-day silent meditation retreat, which helped her connect with her true self and embrace her vision. We also explore how to practice authenticity in a world where social media often distracts us from real success, and discuss the importance of staying committed to your purpose, even when it's difficult and misunderstood by those around you.

Navigating fear and taking action in your business is challenging, but we'll discuss how to cultivate inner worth and create a support system that helps you thrive. Discover how to take back your power, disrupt the coaching industry, and make a lasting impact in your business and life. Don't miss out on this incredible conversation with Bobbie-Ann Poulton, filled with powerful insights and actionable advice that can transform the way you show up in the world.

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Hannah IG > https://www.instagram.com/hannahkategarner/

Bobbie IG > https://www.instagram.com/built_with_bobbie/
Website > https://www.builtwithbobbie.com/ig

Transcript

Hannah : 1:25

Hello and welcome back to Empower Thyself podcast with me, your host, hannah Garner.

Hannah : 1:30

I'm super excited for today's conversation because this is something that is going to help my business girls, business guys, business people out there who maybe are feeling like they need a change, like they want things to shift, they want to pivot, but they're not sure how, or they might just want to start again, And that's the theme of this conversation is how you can start again and how you can burn your business to the ground. And not only that, also how you can then take up space with disruptive marketing. I am joined today by Bobbie- Ann Poulton, and she is a disruptive business coach and she helps online service providers communicate the value of what they do through disruptive marketing, leaving their audiences frothing over their next offers. I will say that, even if you don't have a business right now, I think this conversation could have some very useful gems in there, because starting over anything is scary, it is fucking scary. So I can't wait to dive in today. Let's jump in. Hi Bobbie, thank you for joining me, and also all the way over in Australia.

Bobbie-Ann: 2:37

Hello, thank you so much for having me, Hannah. Yeah, I was just saying on the call, before we pressed record, that your voice is so nostalgic because I am a fellow Brit, believe it or not. I don't know where my accent's gone, but I'm born and raised in Bristol , yeah, I'm so excited to be here and thank you so much for giving me a big welcoming hug with your British accent.

Hannah : 2:59

Love it, so let's dive in. I think we need to go back to where you started, how you got to where you are now, so that the listeners can really understand your journey to what it is and how you got to where you are.

Bobbie-Ann: 3:15

So I have been in the coaching industry for 12, 13 years now. I started off studying back in University of Wales. So way back in 2011, 2012, I studied sports and exercise science. I then moved to Hong Kong and I've always been working in the coaching industry from fitness coaching, mindset coaching, nutrition coaching, wellness coaching, life coaching you name all the things. I've done it and what I've noticed along the way on that journey is a lot of those industries are helping people physically look better, hoping that it's going to make them feel better.

Bobbie-Ann: 3:55

In the early days of doing what I did, and what I started to realise through those many journeys and relationships was that it's not going to work, these clients that are so desperate to change their physical appearance on the external, when really it's the mindset work, it's the internal shifts they need to be having, and what that led me to end up doing was what my business is now, built with Bobbie. So I'm a mindset and business coach. I work with online service providers and I work with non-business owners or, if you're wanting to be a business owner and I really help you take up space, disrupt your industry and stand out online. So all of my experience has come from working in, you know, exchanging time for money, business-based industries and really seeing what works and what doesn't work.

Hannah : 4:43

Over the past 12 years working in the UK, working in Hong Kong and working in Australia Yeah, I love that And, interestingly, you know we've seen a massive spike and and you know it's an amazing thing in the kind of self-development coaching world. Actually, you were doing it way before. It was like online or a cool thing, right, because the thing is, I, I do it, but you know, 10 years ago I didn't even know what a coach was. You know you have the normal kind of um thoughts of like a football coach or, you know, like a running coach or things like that, but I didn't know that helping people with their mindset was even a thing, it wasn't. Until I started my own journey about five, six years ago, like really diving into how I can change. I was like, wait, people can help you with this shit.

Hannah : 5:31

So that was really interesting. So I guess it's been a massive evolution, because as well 10 years ago, I presume, not much was online, right?

Bobbie-Ann: 5:40

Yeah, no, not much was online. It was mainly, you know, the old school websites and emails and word of mouth, especially in Hong Kong, is very much networking who you know, not what you know. It's actually really interesting. You say that because about the kind of shift in the industry, because to basically in 2017, my life was kind of on this one trajectory and I was in the um like strengthening, conditioning, Crossfit training, nutrition, coaching realm. That's what I did for work And what happened was overnight I brought my back and I had major surgery.

Bobbie-Ann: 6:16

I've got six pins in my spine. They went through the front so they cut me open and in the space of 24 hours, I essentially had this change in direction. I thought my life was going to go down hill. You know, being a nutrition coach, a mindset coach, helping women get jacked and strong, and I was wearing this facade. It was all just a fucking armour, right, because I hadn't really thought of a lot of inner shit at that point And when that happened to me, my whole identity got broken because everything I had was I'm going to be this sports coach, this athlete, et cetera, et cetera, had that ripped away for me and I had to rebuild from the bottom up.

Bobbie-Ann: 6:50

I did not have a choice. It was. You know there was moments where it was don't be here or wake up another day. You know you're learning to walk again, you're. You've lost your career. You've lost everything that I thought made me who I was my physique, my ability to come across as a strong, empowered woman. But really it was all bullshit. Really, it was me not actually looking internally at what I needed to do and long story to get back to what I was sharing. But essentially what happened was I had a client who was a life coach and I was like I got a job and she's like yeah, i get paid to coach people for their life. I get paid to coach people for nutrition and and um, strength and conditioning. And I was doing, you know quote unquote life coaching, but it wasn't called that at the time.

Hannah : 7:36

Yeah.

Bobbie-Ann: 7:37

She said to me let's do an exchange of service, bobby, i want you to help me with my physical training and, um, i'll give you some life coaching sessions And I had my first. I was early in this, it was 2016. I had my first life coaching session and I was like what the actual fuck? Like she fucked me up so good in one session. I was like I need to do this as a career, like I need to do this, yeah, and that moment onwards I just became like went down the rabbit hole. Of course, my own journey alongside that helped it, but from that moment I was like holy shit balls. So my introduction really to to that side of the industry and life coaching mindset coaching was from that one pivotable moment. And then it was like you said, word of mouth, instagram was a thing, but it wasn't really a thing for me.

Hannah : 8:23

Back then starting, wasn't it where you'd post pictures with filters and stuff or pictures of a random thing that you were like, oh, i did this today post. Yeah, back to good old times. Oh, if you scroll down, way back.

Bobbie-Ann: 8:37

I'm sure there's some shit on there.

Hannah : 8:38

Trust me, no I absolutely love that And I think that's really interesting in what just popped into my head there. Before we even go, you know we're going to talk about, you know, restarting and burning your business down to the ground. Well, that moment was a version of that already, you know, however many years ago, and I know the struggles that meant mentally, that will have brought, because I have a slightly unique position of I actually cared for somebody who was a paraplegic for a couple of years during lockdown, so I mean, as I said, broke their back, have lived with it for, you know, 15, 16 years. But that really opened my eyes to the mental capacity you need to overcome something, even if it's not as extreme as that. It really made me be like wow.

Hannah : 9:26

So I can imagine that was a really tough time And also something whereby it must, as horrible as that period must have been, that must have been very, almost like fate that that person who was a life coach came into your, was in your realm at that moment in time, because it could have been very different, i imagine, for you when you were going through that, not knowing what the fuck and who you are. But what's really interesting as well, what you said is, that was your whole identity. Why do you think we attach our identity so much to our work and our business and anything that we do?

Bobbie-Ann: 10:04

Yeah, such a good question. Well, for me, it was all I knew. I grew up in the UK. It seems so much hard hood, right? We have this conditioning.

Bobbie-Ann: 10:13

I always think about it like this we're born and we are a blank canvas, right? So we'll talk a little bit about the kind of psychology behind it. So we're born with this blank canvas And from the moment of conception or, you might believe, from birth it's up to your belief systems. We are essentially having people splatter paint onto our canvas, which is telling us and shaping who we think we should be, who we need to be in order to receive love, acceptance, safety, validation, happiness, etc. And this is coming from our parents, it's coming from our culture, it's coming from our family, our race, our gender, our sexuality, our religion, and it's not always done intentionally. It's just the way that the world works And as we grow up, our psyche or our ego structures are just absorbing all of these things that we think because we're being told. We're being told well, if you become this, you'll get this. If you behave in this way, you will get this. If you dress a certain way, you'll get more attention. If you look a certain way, you're going to get more money. If you do these things, you're going to have more happiness Bloody, fucking blood, right.

Bobbie-Ann: 11:16

And essentially, you know when we are developing, we're not able to ask those questions of who do I actually want to be Like? is this going to serve me as an adult? Is this going to serve me as a human being? Because what happens is the moment we start questioning those later on, when we have those tools, usually after something like a pivotal moment. For me, it was a bottom, it was something big. What happens is everything we've created because here's the, here's the trip, here's the trip. Right, we create our life in order to allow us to feel safe. So the people we have in our life, they enable us to behave in that way Our parents, the relationship we develop, and they enable us to continue that relationship with them.

Bobbie-Ann: 11:56

The moment we start to question that, whoa, all the people in our life didn't sign up for that version of us. So we meet resistance, we meet fear, we lose acceptance, we lose validation, we lose safety, or we just don't say anything because that's terrifying. It's terrifying to say hang on a minute. Is the people that I'm hanging around with? are they enabling my you know behaviors, my alcohol, my drugs, my you know shitty self-worth, for example. And it's not until we have a moment where I don't know, i call it roast into glasses, or a moment where we really have to dig deep and realize no one is coming to save you and no one's doing this fucking work for you, you know. And it's in that moment we go hang on a minute.

Bobbie-Ann: 12:39

I get to choose. Who do I want to be when I wake up in the morning? What's going to make me not the person up here in my head, who's been conditioned and cultivated from my entire life by everyone external to me? what is going to make me Bobby, down here, at a soul level? you know you might use higher self, best self, whatever language aligns with you. It's all valid. What is that? what is going to make me happy? And you know we can go so much deeper than this What even is that? Who is me? What is happiness? There's so many layers to this, but yeah, i think we live in a society and a culture where it is conditioned into us that just yes, no, be the good girl, sit down, do as you're told, go to school, get an education, behave, don't be disruptive, don't talk too much. Make sure you dress pretty bloody fucking butt Right.

Hannah : 13:28

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And I think what's really interesting from that because I've gone through like so many of us we're all at different stages in what we call the journey of life. Some of us never fully become aware of these patterns and habits, or you do, but they're too painful to deal with and ignore. And then you have people who are constantly like probably me and you, very similar in the sense of like. Once you kind of start realizing how much you can change and create in your life, you then go, start going down this rabbit hole of what are my triggers, what am I, what don't I like, what do I like? What is success, what is this? And like it's ever-evolving journey. But what's really interesting for me is that since I was little, i've always said I wanted to be a millionaire or a business person, somebody who's really successful, and I always had loads of ideas And you know, to this day it's been something that people have always said. You know, i've had loads of drive, loads of ambition, this, that and the other, and it's still the case, no doubt.

Hannah : 14:36

And I was always motivated by money. First, when I was younger, like when I first could work, it was like how can I find something that'll pay me the most. How can I do this, how can I do that? And that was like the focus. And then when I had this pivotal moment about five or six years ago where just I was like, on paper, everything is good. I just like, you know, i'm about to buy my first house, i've got a well-paid job with career progression in accountancy, i have a nice car, i have a boyfriend, i have friends, i have all of this. But I feel fucking dead inside Like I am so unfulfilled. All of that stuff, and that was like, and things then started going wrong as well. I was almost like, and that was when I realized hold on, a minute, i'm creating these things going wrong because I'm trying to, like, shake things up in my life, but I'm doing it subconsciously rather than consciously, and that was when I started this work.

Hannah : 15:27

So when I started doing that, i suddenly realized obviously my priorities with success and things shifted. And yes, money is important from the point of view of having stability and safety and those basic needs met, but it was also more about how I can actually love my life every single day. So that's been my journey, but the reason I share that is because there's been many times over the last few years where I have had to feel like I'm starting again, i'm shedding And it's really hard And it's really scary, and I know that for you this happened with your business. So you started getting this life coaching session. You moved, i assume, from your kind of fitness coaching to your life coaching, or well, when I say, mindset coaching. So take us on that journey of what happened there to bring you up to the point where you were like actually I need to start again, like what was that journey And how did you get there? How long have we got.

Bobbie-Ann: 16:31

Thank you for sharing that. Yeah, it sounds like I'd love to interview another conversation. Ok, so I will keep it brief. So I'm in Hong Kong And I'm rebuilding my life in terms of the internal understanding and relationship of myself. Who am I, what I want, what makes me happy? Because I had all that ripped away from me. So at that point I'm now working as a mindset coach, or a life coach you might call it, and as I enter in this industry now we've got the boom of social media what happens is you start seeing other people in your industry.

Bobbie-Ann: 17:07

You enter life coaching, you work with other life coaches, you work with the mindset coaches, manifestation coaches, wealth coaches, all the things. And essentially, what happened was I started becoming pretty successful in what I did. So I was built with Bobby. I was the female empowerment coach then And my main focus was female empowerment, helping you overcome your body dysmorphia, relationship with your body image, who you think you are, all of the juicy, subconscious reprogramming, et cetera.

Bobbie-Ann: 17:37

And then what was happening was I was trying to grow my business. I was like I want to have more impact in the world And I was investing in myself. I was investing in other coaches and other in particular business coaches, and what I found was I'm going to call it dog shit wrapped in gold leaf Love. That OK. So I would invest money into other coaches and brands and experiences And I always felt like they weren't giving me the full piece of the puzzle. I just always felt like that's not actually what you sold to me, like you told me I was going to get this And I felt like it wasn't the results that I wanted, and of course, i'm fully responsible for my results.

Bobbie-Ann: 18:22

We don't guarantee our clients everything, but after being in that industry for five or six years, i was just getting really sad. Actually, the emotion I really tapped into was sadness and anger. I was sad And I was frustrated because I wanted to have such an impact in the lives with the women that I was working with And I had women coming to me And it was no doubt that my work was powerful. I was guaranteed when a client came and worked with me they would stay with me, they would want to resign or work with me in some other way. So before my containers were filling up But I couldn't get enough humans into my space And every time I tried to do that I was kind of met with this realization that being really good at what you do and running a business doing what you do, and not the same thing, that absolutely not the fucking same thing.

Bobbie-Ann: 19:07

And so I just decided fuck this, i'm going to go and just do that. I'm going to go and create the thing that I want, which is an authentic, disruptive business coach who can help online service providers to help female empowerment coaches, help mindset coaches. I really put myself of where was I five years ago And what did I really need? Not fancy sales pages, and I was like what did I actually need? What questions would I have paid 500 pounds for? Just to ask about a piece of copy or a content, or how to send that email or what website? Like all of the questions, burning questions that, as a business owner, give you such permission slips to change the world. But because we got into it, because we wanted to make an impact, not because we knew how to run a business, we were limited.

Bobbie-Ann: 19:54

So, 2019, i just went fuck this. I'm going to start again And I'm going to create the disruptive business coach And I'm going to just take every single thing that I've ever done and I'm constantly refining, constantly learning, and I'm going to fill in all those gaps that I believe were not being given because of this huge boom in the coaching industry as such, on Instagram, it meant that there's very much an unregulated industry. There's very much people online selling services, But the problem is you can market something, but how can you guarantee the results? And I just decided, no fuck that We're going to start it myself.

Hannah : 20:30

Wow, and that must have been a really kind of well, i'd assume and correct me if I'm wrong but confusing but empowering time Because you've got clients, but then those clients might not want, because obviously you were focused on empowerment and body relationship, might not want the whole business, coaching and things. So how did you deal with thinking Because in my mind the first thing that I would think of is OK, but I've got all of this income and I've got bills to pay. How do I let go of that money, potentially in the short term, all of those kind of things that come up as a human, naturally how did you navigate that?

Bobbie-Ann: 21:08

Yeah, oh, my god, that was such a gray, uncomfortable area. It was about a six month transition period Because at first what I was doing was I was trying to cling on to both. I was like yeah keep taking all these life coaching clients who don't have businesses. Funny enough, what happened was and you're going to relate to this when you do deep transformational work, a lot of clients and there were a majority of them were women. I did have male clients. They realized I don't want to be in a nine to five.

Hannah : 21:33

I want to start my own business.

Bobbie-Ann: 21:35

So naturally what happened was my life coaching mindset. Clients started their own businesses, they started their own side hustles And so, without even trying, i was naturally helping them And then they would refer people and they would refer people as they got results, as their businesses grown, as they took off. So that kind of helped with the natural trend progression. But in terms of how that I managed. Not wanting to cling on to everything, really what I did was I decided I'm not going to give my power away to anyone on the other side of the screen, i'm not going to create content, because I know that those types of people are there in that moment and I'm trying to please them.

Bobbie-Ann: 22:12

I went deeply into myself and the vision and the purpose was bigger, which was the more coaches I can help, the more impact and better the collective raising consciousness is going to be, the more healing there's going to be. And when I kept that vision in my heart it was OK. It doesn't matter if my engagement is really low to start with. It doesn't matter if only two people like my posts. I am not going to stop. I'm going to become so fucking good at what I do and this is what we call attraction marketing that people can't ignore me.

Bobbie-Ann: 22:44

And yes, of course it's slower at the beginning and it's scary. There are massive moments where I'm like, fuck, this is terrifying And you'd kind of crawl back into my holding up. Oh, but I'll go back to my old clients and tell them I can resymer them and bring them in, but absolutely not, because for me, that's giving my power away to someone or something external, and I had to just come back to what that feeling was inside of my know. This is my vision, this is my purpose. This is bigger than that.

Hannah : 23:09

Yeah, that's super powerful, and I think it's not easy, and especially at the start, because the vision that you have, nobody else is going to be able to see the vision that you have, because everybody, even if they're supportive, everybody sees things differently to you and also your vision is not their vision. And so when not in those moments, it doesn't mean that people aren't necessarily supportive, although they might not be, but it can be hard, because you know you've got to see something through, even if on the outside it doesn't make sense, because people are like well, you know, she's got successful issues, got money.

Hannah : 23:44

Why would you want to change all of that? and I think that is something that a lot of people don't talk about enough is the fact that on paper, things can be great and they might be great in terms of the standard markers of success money coming in, clients that are really great, nice lifestyle, all of those things but if you don't feel great inside, it doesn't matter what the fuck you're doing. It's always going to be sitting underneath you and slowly but surely and I wonder if you've got any examples of this if you don't start following those nudges, you get some what I would call because I'm a more on a spiritual journey, but like spiritual slaps in the face or slaps in the face from life that are just like this is where you want to go and you're not doing it. Like what are you doing? did you experience any of those kind of moments, like knee jerk, moments where you thought I can't keep ignoring this, this calling, anymore? yes, my life's great, but I need to change, whether any of those moments Oh, absolutely so.

Bobbie-Ann: 24:50

It's actually interesting. You mentioned spiritual journey, so I have you heard of a pastina? No, no, the pastina is essentially you go and you sit for 10 days in silence and you meditate for 10 hours a day, for 10 days straight. There's no reading, there's no writing, there's no talking, there's no communicating, no phone, nothing. It actually sounds like prison. It's pretty fucking tough and you do it. It's run by monks, so it's. You can't go and pay. It's not like a Byron Bay retreat or a retreat that you can go and do. It's like a charity and you do the sit and if you make it to the 10 days, you have an opportunity to donate and pay it forward for the next person. It is by far done. Four of them now, the hardest and most powerful spiritual experience I've ever done.

Bobbie-Ann: 25:37

But you know some psychedelic experiences and other experiences that we've I've used for some other conversation, but during my first of a pastina, which was 2020, you know you get to about day six. You've already sat for 60 hours to even just imagine that and you've not spoken to anyone in six days. You have, you're in agony, you're all these things are happening, but without. I don't know how much your readers enjoy listening to spiritual conversation, but I'll talk about it in my language and hopefully it can resonate. So, essentially, when you're so present for so long, you're removing any attachments to what you don't have in any versions to what you do have right, because all our human suffering the concept is, all our suffering comes from attachments that we want of something that we don't have and a versions to what we do have. When you sit for 60 hours, you just become present and so your mind has time to be still, which means your mind has time to transcend its physical experience in this reality. So, essentially, you become one with God, source, love, whatever word you want to align, but it's a profoundly powerful experience and there's no your sober, there's no drugs going on here, it's just your mind.

Bobbie-Ann: 26:54

And during those, the first time I did that sit, i had huge emotional we call them sankaras which is like these you could almost call it like bad karma or things you haven't dealt with come up through you. Yeah, of course. Yeah, a lot would come up around like kind of similar to what you were saying, like I wanted to have the money and the success and that was all coming from me needing to prove to my family and proof my ex-parent or my parents, all that bullshit. But it was this like knowing of, like I can do this, i can. It became like so overwhelming because it was coming through in visualizations during these meditations. It was like I there is no option for failure, and I know this sounds really obnoxious and and, of course, there's been failures along the way, but it was this part of me where I would actually and I stand by this today if I behave inauthentically, i get physically sick, like that manifests in my body as physical illness.

Bobbie-Ann: 27:54

Yeah, number one core value is authenticity and I absolutely cannot show up inauthentically. I I can't even imagine the last time I've pretended to be a version of myself for someone and, of course, this is a constant journey of peeling back and getting braver and taking up more space, but I am committed to disrupting this entire space of you. Can be successful and be wild and feral and messy. You can be professional and dance around with your fucking titties out. You can be spiritual and wear Gucci and Prada. You can be a lawyer and be a nun at the same time. Like. This is a long-winded conversation, but what I'm sharing is yes, you can show up in your fullest expression of a human and have all of it without having to pretend or, you know, portray other versions of yourself yeah, absolutely.

Hannah : 28:50

I love that, and I didn't know that's what it's called, but I have heard of those kind of retreats and I've so. Have you heard of the ones as well where you can do the, the blindfolded ones, for?

Hannah : 28:59

like four days like darkness, like I see them, and when people take their like things off and they they're like so emotional because they've literally had four days with no vision and I just think that looks amazing. I would love to do that but, interestingly, i'm sure the reason a lot of people wouldn't be able to do those ten days is because, like you say, it brings up the stuff that you've just been avoiding dealing with, even if you weren't fully aware of it, like deep, deep down in your bones, like that trauma or those things that you know. All of that, which is why it's so hard. But what's really interesting is It connects you to yourself further. But to have the realization that actually you can take up space how you want must have been really kind of empowering in that moment, knowing that, okay, i've changed all of this, i've burnt this down, i'm starting again, but actually, like my vision is clearer than ever now.

Hannah : 30:00

So, when it comes to disruptive marketing, taking up space, how do you help people start leaning into that? Because people want to be authentic, no doubt. But, like you say, we have society, we have conditioning, we're scared of showing our true selves, potentially because we've been punished in the past for being treated for showing us ourselves in a certain way, or we've had different responses So we've reacted a certain way to get the response that we desire, or all of these things, that kind of society. As society, like you say, we like to put ourselves in boxes and stereotype, and it doesn't come from necessarily a bad place. It's just so that we can try and make sense of like humans, like other humans want to make sense of other humans. So how do you help people start leaning into being more disruptive, finding that authenticity within themselves so that they can show up online as them and then attract those people that are meant for them?

Bobbie-Ann: 31:01

Yeah, okay, what a great question. I mean, i guess the first thing I will say is, when we think about being authentic, the way that kind of pops in my head is being courageous, being brave, being confident even, because quite often I come across as being confident, but let me just tell you, i'm still shit scared. I come across very strong and clear, but I definitely have fear And I still have those. I'm not void to worrying about what people think about me. I still have those moments where those thoughts pop up and I worry oh, how is this going to be perceived? But confidence is the best way to describe it is a muscle, right? We don't get confident by just being confident. You have to practice. You have to create new neural pathways in your mind, which is, essentially, you have to create new thoughts over and over again. I think it's 30 synapses to create a new neural pathway. I mean you need to have that thought 30 times in a row and it'd be positive experience for you in order for that thought to become real and normal and the default thought that you're going to have right.

Bobbie-Ann: 32:05

We talk about being authentic. We're talking about practicing being who you are, practicing showing up in a way. That is what I call playing with your edges or being a little bit more disruptive and then being able to regulate your nervous system during that experience. So for anyone listening, we have, you know, our sympathetic nervous system and our parasympathetic nervous system. Our parasympathetic nervous system is our safety, rest, digest. Sympathetic is stress drive cortisol. So anytime you do something, show up, talk, even ask a question, dress a certain way. If it's new for you, if it's not normal to who your current identity is meaning, if it's a little bit of a stretch, your little ego mind is like whoa, this is not who we are. Threat, unsafety as your nervous system becomes a little bit disregulated, which causes a physical. What's the word for physical symptoms? you know sweaty palms, slightly raised heart rate, intrusive thoughts telling you why this is not going to work for you. And it's your job to be able to regulate that. And that's what coaches and that's what you do, right. You help your clients regulate through those and create safety and their new identity.

Bobbie-Ann: 33:15

So being more authentic is about creating safety and practicing being those versions of you over and over and over again. And of course, you can't do that without knowing who you are. So there's the aspect of. Are you something called the disruptive business formula, which is, believe it or not? we don't talk about anything through business. We talk about self-awareness, which is your inner authority, who you are internally, why you are the way that you are, your story, your trauma, your childhood, your experiences, your you know, your gender, your sex or culture, etc. We go deep. Who is that? Why are you the way that you are? Do you want?

Hannah : 33:54

to be that person anymore.

Bobbie-Ann: 33:56

Who do you want to show up like what you're too terrified to. That's a great place. I just have those conversations about having to actually take any action Once we've got all of that work. That's the work that I do with my clients when they come to me then the next thing in the formula is self-expression. This is how do you put that out into the world? So, how do you create content? How do you talk? podcasts, instagram emails, your offerings, what you sell, the way that you wear, the way that you show up your branding, your aesthetics.

Bobbie-Ann: 34:26

Most people start there. They're like I want to look like this and I'm going to do this, but actually you've got to do that first step. You've got to do that inner self-awareness piece to really understand why you are the way they are, who you want to be, why you feel the way that you feel. Before we can start expressing that to the world. Yeah, and then the final piece is what I call untamed, unwavering commitment. So there's three parts of the formula Self-awareness, self-expression, then untamed, unwavering commitment to yourself, which was the part I kind of spoke to earlier, which is, i think, i think, um, what's his name? Arnold Schwarzenegger actually said never have a plan B And I I truly, of course this context of this. I believe that there's no smoke without fire. If you commit to something and you do not give up and you have the right skill set and resources and support, you will be successful. There is a simple way to run a business. It doesn't mean it's going to be easy, because simple and easy are not the same.

Bobbie-Ann: 35:27

But, if you have the right coach, if you have the right mentor, if you have the right framework of do A plus B to get C, you will be successful. And most people give up because, whether it's in their personal life or their business life, because they haven't got the right A plus B or C, they're just copying other people. Right. Like social media is the negative side of it. There's so many voices out there saying do this, but they're not showing the whole picture. They might not even be air quotes successful. They might just have a lot of followers. Followers don't mean shit on this platform. You know I have clients that have 24, 25,000 followers and they're struggling to make money when they first come to work me. Why? Because people who follow you don't necessarily want to buy from you. There's this. You know. I can just talk about this for days. My love. So cut me off.

Bobbie-Ann: 36:15

It's if we go on No carry on, but you know really, the dangers of social media are. Here's a fact for you. For a start, only 7% of online coaches make enough money to live off 7% Wow, that's so crazy. And yet, when I go into my feed, there's thousands of coaches and I can guarantee you that you know 93% of them are not making enough money. They might have large followers, so what happens? These, you know, really ambitious humans just like you and me, who at one point were like I want to start a business, i want to help more people. I'm really great at this. They go on and they look at all these inspirational accounts, thinking that it's going to be that easy. And it's not. It's not and it's deceptive, because there was actually an. You know, i call it use what works with what lights you. The fuck up, right.

Bobbie-Ann: 37:03

If you use what works, you will be successful. But if you use what works without and this goes back to the piece of being authentic without what lights you the fuck up, there's going to be cognitive dissonance. Eventually it's going to eat you up inside because you're kind of pretending to be this version of you. So get it right in the first place, do the self awareness piece before.

Hannah : 37:23

Yeah, 100%, and I think this is what's interesting about what you've just said is, a lot of the time we don't know who we are, especially as we're going through our twenties, into our thirties. That's like our discovery phase as an adult And, like you say, peeling back those layers of this, is who I am right now because of all of this environment. Is that still who I want to be or not? And then it's like this whole journey. But what's really interesting is because of social media, like you say, showing us more often than not what is successful or what and I say that with air quotes for those that can't see me saying this but in the sense of, we've been given a very narrow view of what success looks like, and actually success can be so different for everybody. And that's the kind of journey that I have been on untangling over the last few years, because I was like, yeah, money is great, but if I can't express myself the way that I want to, then I don't want that money. If somebody's going to try and tell me how I should or shouldn't behave, i don't want that money. If I have to do things to please people to the point whereby I'm having to step over my boundaries and make myself feel uncomfortable for somebody else to pay me or whatever, then I don't want it. And that was a real big, pivotal moment for me And I think that's why, like you say, that self-awareness piece is so crucial, because most people, if you ask them who are, you don't know.

Hannah : 38:58

And that doesn't mean that it's not ever evolving, like, of course we can change and evolve, but most people don't know.

Hannah : 39:03

And then when you start asking those questions, normally the thing that makes you and this is what I found the version of me that makes me the most scared or uncomfortable, the one where I'm like oh, i don't know if I like this is actually the truest version of me.

Hannah : 39:19

It's just I've been too scared to show that or I've been too not even scared consciously, i've just been holding that backing because maybe I don't know there was a situation when I was younger that didn't allow me to be that version and then I was like I got told off or I didn't get the results I wanted, and like one of the pieces that I've actually been dealing with a lot recently and I want to share this just for people out there listening, thinking you know, like they listen to the podcast or they see me because, again, people perceive me as a very confident person as, like you said, a confident person. I can show up and I can be confident 100% And I know I've got skills that I can use. But there's a very introverted side to me but there's also a very there is that fear and stuff that comes up. But I've been dealing with for a long time people criticising me for talking too much.

Bobbie-Ann: 40:12

Oh, babe, I feel you my entire life.

Hannah : 40:16

Yeah, And when I say talking too much half of the time, it's because my brain has got so many different things firing off and I get so excited about a conversation that I just want to like verbal diarrhea sometimes. And there is definitely value in learning how to say the right things and bring it back. But what's really, what I really noticed recently is when people I've had a few times where somebody literally just said to me like bearing in mind, I'd actually not said that much at this point, like I am not going to. They're like like you're talking too much, I'm not going to listen anymore, And that was really trigger, triggering and we're really wounding.

Hannah : 40:56

And I had to go like to the point where I was upset for days about that, because I was like how can that person be so rude about me in a way or like so, like cutthroat about it, Like given that they were the ones that asked me the question and I was answering, but I didn't give them the answer that they wanted to. And it's really interesting And I share this because you think that you get to a point where you can be authentic and you be yourself, but there are going to be things that still knock you back. There are going to be things that still hurt you, that still show up And for me I'm, as I said, probably about eight years in this journey fully and I'm a confident person, I'm pretty self assured but that shit there, even to this day, turning 30 this year, fucked me up for days.

Hannah : 41:45

And it sits with me now when I think about it and I've had to go do some of my own work. So the reason I share that is because I would love, because I'm sure this has happened to you and there's people listening, thinking but if I do this, there's going to be consequences, and what if this happens, and what if that happens, and what if people don't like it and all of this? How do you help them navigate that period or those moments where it's like, oh actually that stung like a bitch, like that hurt me.

Bobbie-Ann: 42:13

Yeah, okay, love this question. First I want to say thank you for sharing. I totally resonate. I was. You know, you must have heard this. You can talk behind the legs of a donkey. You know, if talking was in the Olympics, you win the gold. Like that was everything I was told my entire life as well. You know it was. And actually this term disruptive this is really a reclamation for me. I think of disruptive as naughty, right, like bad, but actually I'm disrupting as in hey, i'm fucking here and I'm taking up space. It's not a disruptive class, you know. Disruptive naughty girl in the classroom, which is what I was labeled up. It's not, i'm disruptive and I'm here and I'm fucking taking a stand for it. Okay, first thing, i'll share on that question.

Bobbie-Ann: 42:58

My love is our dinosaur brains love to try and predict the future Right. They need certainty because certainty is safety. And so whenever we're trying something new, whether that be asking for something different from our partners, you know saying no to our boss, asking for a promotion, telling our parents that the way they speak to us isn't acceptable anymore, telling your friends that you want to go vegan, even though they're all going to make fun of you, like, whatever it is. It doesn't have to be business related. What happens is your brain is going to go through its filing cabinet of every experience you've ever had and go. I need some evidence. I need some evidence. I need to prove how this is going to go in the future, and it would rather create some sort of certainty from evidence that is completely invalid because you can't predict the future. Even if that certainty is negative and doesn't actually take you to where you want to go, it goes okay. Well, i've got all this evidence, so I'm going to cling onto that. That's probably what's going to happen.

Bobbie-Ann: 43:54

So we talk ourselves out of it, but the truth is it's not helpful. We have no way of predicting the future. So when we have those intrusive thoughts about what could happen, what might happen another word for this is anxiety, intrusive thoughts, trying to be what if this happens? what if that happens? It's actually not helpful. And so when we talk to the confidence piece, being confident is just feeling all of that fear and those thoughts, intrusive thoughts, trying to predict the future and just doing it anyway. And here's the thing no one is going to do it for you. So you have two choices You can sit and wallow in your fear and your discomfort and your pain and your worry and you can become the martyr and you can bitch and moan about it to your friends and your family, or you can even just not tell anyone and then you've done nothing about it great. Or you can have all of those thoughts and fears and worries and take responsibility and move forwards.

Bobbie-Ann: 44:45

Get support, get a coach, get a therapist, get a mentor, have someone who you can share. I'm feeling this because there are so many tools that you can use that are going to allow you to move through it faster. And if you were to ask me the description of what life coaching really is or business coaching is it's helping you move through those sticky points faster. So without that support, you're just going to sit in them and wallow and you're going to sabotage and you're going to waste time that could make you valuable money, valuable friendships, better sex life, buy a house, have a better job. You're going to waste time Or you just don't move at all. But I'm assuming you're listening as if you're listening to this podcast. You're already invested in personal growth and development and spirituality and you're already making those decisions.

Bobbie-Ann: 45:26

So you know this was a very long winded answer, but essentially it's helping you move through faster. And then what's the other part of the question? What's it do once you've actually made those decisions? Yeah, yeah, okay. So I mean, the big part for here is nervous system regulation for me, so things are simple, as you know just being able to take some breaths in through the nose and just drop into your body and ask yourself, without the chit up, chatter, the logic up there that's trying to create all the evidence, and actually just tap into what you, if you had no fear, no need for validation, no need for acceptance, no need for love, because all these things that we crave and think that we need, you can create them for yourself.

Bobbie-Ann: 46:17

Your love, your deep sense of validation comes from yourself. Your deep sense of worthiness comes from yourself. If you've got people in your life who don't appreciate your decisions or don't support your decisions, that's their problem. Right, you don't have to wear that. And here's the thing so many of us love to wear it. They're like, oh, but she said this, we'll have to gossip. Right, We'll have to talk and chat.

Bobbie-Ann: 46:39

That actually feeds our ego, even if it's like we're the talk of the Twitter talk of the town. It kind of like feeds our ego. Right, we want to be that person, but actually this is where the work gets deeper. It's like the only person who can create your own happiness is you. Your boyfriend can't give you happiness, your mom can't give you happiness, money can't bring you happiness And, yes, this sounds very airy-fairy, but it's true. And the work that I know, i know you've done, even from our conversations, you know, yeah, the work that you do when you realize I meaning this version of you down here has the power to create this sense of worthiness from a deep source within myself, a deep source that only I have the power. It means that even if I make that scary decision and someone projects their bullshit onto me or calls me out or says they don't like it, that's fine, because I create the sense of love and safety. I don't need someone else in order for me to feel happy, to move forward to the world.

Hannah : 47:34

Yeah, 100%. And I think what's really powerful about that And one of there was one moment when I realized what you've just said, how true it is about how it comes internally, because for quite a long time I never really understood, like why do I need to give that to myself first? And like how do I tap into that? But the reason I know that that is 100% true And I think if people listen to this, truly think about it.

Hannah : 47:58

There are some of my friends and family or whatever who by, i think, the sun shines out their arse in the sense of they are just the most beautiful, magical people in terms of how kind they are, everything they do, like they're amazing. But no matter how much I would be and this is like from a positive aspect of I would tell them or I could tell them every single day, i could say all of these amazing things about them, they still themselves don't believe it. Why? Because it's not coming from themselves. If they could see their value and their worth and their this and their that, they could receive what I had to say with appreciation and receive it properly. But because they don't have that inner sense of themselves and they haven't cultivated that inner world, like you say, of you need to give yourself the validation, the love and the worth first. They can't receive that.

Hannah : 48:56

And so that's when I was like, wait, it doesn't matter what I say to this person, because, no matter what, they're always gonna think that they're not good enough. And I was like that's when I was like light bulb And that's when I actually was like right, i need to start working on this and stuff There's more and more so that I can be unwavering in like that, and then that will help me show up online, be more authentic be, myself doesn't mean that it's not easy, As you say it's not easy, but when you start doing it it becomes easier because you're like, okay, this isn't so bad.

Hannah : 49:30

or like, okay, this feels so good to me that even if I do get any backlash or people not liking the vibes or whatever, whatever, i can deal with it because it feels so good to me. So when it comes, yeah, sorry, carry on.

Bobbie-Ann: 49:44

I know I was just gonna respond to that. I see it as you're being held hostage, right. You're having us and I'm not speaking directly to you, but for your listeners. You are being held hostage to anything external that you need to create your internal happiness. So if you need your Botox to feel attractive, you are being held hostage. How does it feel When we think about it? like that's pretty fucking fragile, like what a sense of self that could be broken if you couldn't get this thing. For you to feel this emotion, because I can talk about this for days, so please cut me off. Everything we want in life is truly just a feeling. It's fleeting, right. That's why nothing is ever gonna.

Bobbie-Ann: 50:26

If I get this promotion, i'll feel happy. It's not about the money. If I lose this weight, i'll feel happy. It's not about the weight. I'll feel more loved. I'll feel more attractive. When I see myself in the mirror, i'll feel worthy. When I buy this house, i'll feel blood if I can blow. Right. It's just a feeling. Guess what? You can have that feeling right now, any moment of the day. You can learn how to create that feeling from within yourself any moment, that exact feeling that you want from that promotion that you are trying to get, you can actually have that feeling as if you've had the promotion. Now There are ways for you to do that right.

Bobbie-Ann: 51:01

And when you realize that your life has got you being held hostage, and remember it's not even your fault. We're living in a fucking society where women feeling disempowered and unhappy with their body is a trillion dollar industry. So you're against the fucking patriarchy here right now, like you're working against, like everything society has set up for you to be a yes girl, non-disruptive, get a nine to five, look a certain way. And if you don't look a certain way, you're not gonna be happy and you're not excited If you have this color skin. This is not my right. You're going against the fucking matrix. That's the point where we're trying to break the matrix. But the moment you take your power back and you go fuck this, i'm not having anyone or anything. Take my power Like I get to do that. I get to make myself happy. I get to make myself feel love. I get to make myself feel worthy, not anyone else, not my boss, not my partner, not my and yes, it's nice to have love. And of course we don't wanna be a monk and get rid of all the pleasures in life, unless you wanna go down that route. But actually, i'll give you a little story. Can I share this with you guys? Yeah, absolutely go ahead.

Bobbie-Ann: 52:05

This is how I learned I was true story. I was on the way to be a guest at someone else's podcast. I was rushing and I noticed that I had not shaved my armpits and I fucking panicked Cause they were like you know, it's like four days stubble, grumpy. I had a four day armpits show, so I ran into. I was on, i ran into the 7-Eleven, i bought this dry razor, i was on the train and I was shaving my armpits in the train toilet and I cut my armpit and it was bleeding And I was like what the actual fuck? Like? I am so fragile that my sense of attractiveness and worthiness is going to be taken from me if people see that I've got body hair on my armpits. This is just my personal journey. I'm not suggesting anyone here has to do this. And in that moment I just went fuck this, i'm gonna take my power back. I'm gonna prove to myself I'm gonna shave my body hair for a year. Wow, i'm going to shave my body hair for a year. So even I'm showing Hannah right now.

Bobbie-Ann: 53:09

My arm hair is like a bloke's armpit hair. It's long as fuck. It's like this long Okay, you wouldn't think it right, i've got, like Botox in my forehead, beautiful nails. I really take care of my appearance, but after that year it was one of the hardest years I did. So I'm talking my leg hair was like you know, your dad's, like it was full. It was full And I still carried on going to the gym and having a normal life. So I didn't shave my pubic hair, my leg hair, my armpit hair. I kept my. I plucked my witchy chin. So obviously, cause that's what I'm like And what I learned from that experience was I learned the hard way. I had to figure out how to love myself. It wasn't an option.

Bobbie-Ann: 53:51

I made the decision and I was like I if I can't love myself with body hair, then I'm fucking fucked. Like that was my point at the moment. So I just learned, and of course, there were moments where it was hard and the gym was really difficult. Going to a wedding at the time was very difficult And I wore fucking pants, suit Like, and I was in Australia at the time as well. It's super hot, so going to the beach or my pubic I know now there's a bit more of a movement. It's kind of cool for some people, but at the time it really wasn't.

Bobbie-Ann: 54:19

It was very hard And after those 12 months I just now I shave my legs or my pubic hair. I have laser, but I just decided I'm never going to shave my armpits again, like I've actually become to love it. My partner doesn't mind it now. He took a bit getting around. All my friends now know that I'm just the woman who doesn't shave armpits And every now and then, based on the environment, it creates that feeling.

Bobbie-Ann: 54:43

So if I'm in like a gym where there's all these like you know, incredibly ripped, shredded women in booty shorts fucking the smoother than a 12 year old baby, like then I feel a bit like, oh, but other than that, and when that does happen I go back to hmm, how can I create that sense of happiness and safety within myself? Who am I trying to impress? Anyone who is stares or looks at me and has a funny, you know query at my armpits. I'll go and speak to them. I'm like sweet, what do you want to ask me? Now? this is quite extreme, right, but this is the type of person I am. I put myself through these challenges But truly that was about me taking my power back from my body and realizing if I can learn to love myself looking like a monkey, then I'm fucking untouchable.

Hannah : 55:29

Yeah, especially for a woman, and given that we're told so much not to have body hair and all of these things, like that is a really it sounds so simple. You know, we all know every woman listening to this knows how hard that would be. Like I, my insides curdled when you said that, not because I love to see it from other people, but like I hate body hair and I will I ever know if it's conditioning or that I mean I'm actually quite lucky anyway. like I my eyebrows I've never had eyebrows. Like I don't have that much body hair as a person anyway, just don't know why, but the thought of it like that would freak me out.

Hannah : 56:09

But what's really interesting and I think is a good kind of thing for people to maybe think about, is what is something that makes you feel less than if you are to have it or not, good enough that you could maybe challenge yourself.

Hannah : 56:21

and it doesn't have to be like Bobby's, where it's like a year long or enough to make you get over the fact that, okay, people might stare, people might say something about me, but let's be real, most people don't give a fuck because they're the main character in their story and you're not, but we think that people give more of a fuck than they actually do.

Hannah : 56:40

There might be the comments, that might be this, there might be that, but is there something that you can do that maybe challenges you because, like you say, once you got over that hairdo you were like, well, no one can fucking touch me now because I don't need someone to validate me, because I have or haven't got body hair or whatever that is. So that's a really interesting kind of little challenge. I think the listeners maybe should go away and think about but we've got, we've talked about kind of so much here. Is there any kind of things that you really want to touch on before I round up the episode, any things that you think would be really helpful or things that we maybe have not touched on yet?

Bobbie-Ann: 57:18

No, i won't go. I won't delve deep into business too much. I feel like I could talk for ages in that. I think really just that reminder of being disruptive is a reclamation. I can be disruptive in a way that's for a reason, like I'm standing for something and kind of what you just touched on. even that little challenge there, like what is something you can practice that feels uncomfortable for you, start really small, really small. Whether that be needing your partner to say you look good in your outfit, needing a cuddle from your partner, needing someone to validate you, needing your boss to check your work, needing even that piece of chocolate, it's all the same. It's strengthening that muscle of I can give this to myself and really look at where are you giving your power away, where are you giving your power away and how can you take that back slowly, piece by piece, day by day, and start living a life on your terms.

Hannah : 58:17

I absolutely love that and I think it's a really great way to end. What I love to do at the end of every episode is just ask my guests one question that I just love to get into the minds of people and see where they're at. It's very simple and it doesn't have to be related to anything with business or whatever, but I just think it's a really good way for people to kind of get some inspiration. That is what is one thing right now, one thing material, or one thing that you're working on, or whatever it is that is exciting you at this moment in your life.

Bobbie-Ann: 58:52

Okay, well, probably be the offer that I put out today. So anyone who follows me on Instagram will know I'm a bit of an Instagram slut. I definitely take up space there. Yeah, i've been working on and it's kind of relevant. I've been working on changing the way the coaching industry puts out. we call them containers. If you're not in the coaching industry, if you're going to join a life coaching one-to-many or group container, i'm kind of burning that down and debunking the way that it should be from the point of the consumer. So, if you're paying to work with someone and I'm really coming back to it it goes back to what I said at the beginning. What did I really need?

Hannah : 59:32

What did?

Bobbie-Ann: 59:32

I actually need in order for me to feel like my money was off value and I actually got what I wanted and I'm just building it. So I've created this 11 week experience. It's called Big Money, Big Moves. So Big Moves, Big Money. And it's about the moves you need to make internally in order to bring in big money externally.

Bobbie-Ann: 59:52

So it's really going back and figuring out who the fuck you are, who you want to help, how are you going to help them, how your personal story, your trauma, your conditioning, how about? actually is a fucking superpower for you, Because there is no one like you out there no one. So there's a million other people who solve the exact same problems as you do. The problems we solve as coaches and mentors are not unique, but the way that you solve them absolutely must be unique to you. So when you learn to harness that as your superpower, you can then make big moves to show up authentically.

Bobbie-Ann: 1:00:25

You can make big moves to disrupt the industry. You can make big moves to ask for your promotion or ask for a change in your relationship dynamic, whatever it is, And that, in turn, is going to be able to bring in big money from a business perspective. So I'm so excited because it actually just launched today online as we were recording this. It opened last week and we've already got eight women into it with on the waitlist. We're open to the public today and I've been vibing, dancing, creating heaps of content, having fun with it on my close friends, showing them like behind the scenes of my business. On the close friends list, reading journal entries from like 2015, 2016, and it's just making me so excited.

Hannah : 1:01:02

Wow, i love it and I can tell that you're definitely very passionate and excited about it. So people want to get in your energy. They want to be in your world, connect with you. Where can they find you?

Bobbie-Ann: 1:01:12

Oh, come up now on the ground Built underscore, so B-U-I-L-T like, like, like, what like built Like.

Hannah : 1:01:19

I've got that.

Bobbie-Ann: 1:01:22

Built underscore with underscore Bobby, and it's B-O-B-B-I-E.

Hannah : 1:01:27

Not not not not. Perfect. I'll make sure everything's in the show notes for everybody anyway, so that they can find everything. But thank you so much for joining me today. I've really enjoyed our conversation.

Bobbie-Ann: 1:01:36

You're welcome my love. Thank you.