CULTIVATING YOUR TRIBE AND UNLOCKING THE POWER OF CONNECTION w REBECCA NESBIT
Jun 21, 2023Season 2Episode 73
Hannah Garner
Are you ready to transform your connections and find your tribe in this fast-paced, tech-focused world? Join us as life coach and founder of Soul Happy Success, Rebecca Nesbit, shares her journey in building the CEO Crowd, a thriving community of female entrepreneurs, while also impacting women through her coaching business. Our conversation delves into embracing new opportunities, overcoming imposter syndrome, and finding balance between self-care and cultivating meaningful relationships.
We also explore the delicate dance of navigating personal and professional growth while maintaining strong connections. The conversation offers valuable insights on the importance of critical thinking, setting boundaries, and embracing the seasons of relationships. Don't miss this empowering conversation filled with practical tips and heartfelt advice on how to find your community and build lasting connections in adulthood. So, tune in now and take the first step towards a more connected and fulfilling life!
Are you ready to transform your connections and find your tribe in this fast-paced, tech-focused world? Join us as life coach and founder of Soul Happy Success, Rebecca Nesbit, shares her journey in building the CEO Crowd, a thriving community of female entrepreneurs, while also impacting women through her coaching business. Our conversation delves into embracing new opportunities, overcoming imposter syndrome, and finding balance between self-care and cultivating meaningful relationships.
We also explore the delicate dance of navigating personal and professional growth while maintaining strong connections. The conversation offers valuable insights on the importance of critical thinking, setting boundaries, and embracing the seasons of relationships. Don't miss this empowering conversation filled with practical tips and heartfelt advice on how to find your community and build lasting connections in adulthood. So, tune in now and take the first step towards a more connected and fulfilling life!
Dont forget to subscribe and leave an apple podcast review if you enjoyed the episode (5* are my fave :) )
Peace and Love Han x
Speaker 1:
Hello and welcome back to Empower Thyself podcast. I'm your host, hannah Garner. Thank you for joining me for another week with another guest. I'm really looking forward to diving into today's episode, particularly because I think it's a conversation that needs to be had, because I know I am not the only one who struggles with finding community as you grow up into adulthood. As children, we're forced to play in the playground but put in situations where it's a lot easier to meet people. As we get older, our likes become more refined, our boundaries become more refined and what we want from friendships and community changes, and that can be definitely a struggle, and so I definitely think it's something that we should all talk about, because I know so many people in the same boat saying I don't know how to find my tribe, i don't know where to look, i don't know where to begin, i don't know how to show up as myself, and that's kind of what we're going to be diving into today's episode, which I'm really excited about because, as I said, it's going to serve me as well as you.
Speaker 1:
So I'm really excited to be joined by my guest today, and that is Rebecca Nesbitt, and she's a life coach first and a business coach. Second, she's the founder of Soul Happy Success, which helps women overcome imposter syndrome and start their own coaching business. She runs a community of female entrepreneurs called the CEO crowd, where women get together and share services and support, and she is on a mission to impact 100 women through her coaching business. So welcome Rebecca. Thank you so much for joining me Amazing So I think. Just to start off with, why don't you give us a bit more about your background, how you got to where you are and kind of what led you to having more focus on this kind of community building aspect?
Speaker 3:
Thank you.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, i love it And I think the thing is it's not finding. Community can definitely expand, not just into business. You know, yes, having your own business, being an entrepreneur or doing a side hustle can, like you say, be very lonely, which is why I think there is a larger focus on community building in that arena, because the women that I'm speaking to are very much in that area. But let's be real, you know, like you mentioned relocation, i moved from the Midlands to London and especially in somewhere where people are very just like it's fast paced, they're focused on whatever they're doing And obviously, with the added extra of phones in your face now, rather than having to just sit there and potentially make awkward eye contact with someone to have a conversation, and now it's really hard to kind of find what you're looking for and start building those kind of connections that we want as an adult.
Speaker 1:
Let's be real, most of us want that And we just don't know how to go about it. So, from your experience of building this community online and, you know, trying to find your own feet, like when you said about having freedom with location I know you're not based in the UK anymore How do you go about that? Because I think that is like the number one question that I have for myself, because it's not always easy to find the same kind of people and it takes a lot of work. So I just wanted to delve into that a bit more.
Speaker 3:
Yeah, yeah, you still.
Speaker 1:
You will get why, but if you subscribe to our YouTube channel, we will be very happy. I don't see him. Yeah, i think that's so powerful actually and a good reflection tool for myself, because I know certainly I am so good in my own company, like, and I love it and it's very important to me. Don't get me wrong. I love people, i love being around people, but I also need my recharge. So for me, it's very easy and has been being in London just to go do stuff by myself, because I'm not one of those people that's afraid to do stuff by myself and I think doing so just almost makes me too comfortable. And, yes, i could make friends, but I'm quite happy if it happens. It happens.
Speaker 1:
I haven't and I'm aware of this, and this is something that I'm kind of actively trying to do this year and more so is like put myself in situations where I have to have conversations or in scenarios whereby, like you say, you're doing a hobby or you're in a space where you have to speak to people more, because I could easily. I love being outside, so I just walk around by myself and never really cross someone. But I think what was also really interesting and I think this is something that maybe we miss, and it's I personally. I don't know how the listeners will feel, how you feel, but I do think the pandemic definitely made us feel more socially awkward. It was like we're out of practice. You know, like anything we become out of practice with, we're like, oh, we're not very good at this, and then you almost like shy away from it because you're like, oh well, i'm not very good at that, so I'm not going to do it. I do feel like maybe we're more socially awkward than we used to be generally because of having to be inside all the time and whatnot.
Speaker 1:
I'm not seeing other people as much, or just those people that were like already you know people who knew inside out, and I think for me, what you mentioned about just having that more, more openness to see what's around you we don't, we don't do that but also then actually taking the initiative to instigate a further conversation or a further meetup, because that's what I don't do you mentioned.
Speaker 1:
You asked her do you want to come and meet, do you want to come and hang out? and I think a lot of us have a bit of fear around that. Maybe, i don't know, is it because I'm always like, oh, maybe it's the people are going to think I'm coming on too strong, like you start getting in your head a bit and all over thinking. But actually probably in most cases when that happens, people because it's not the norm anymore people will probably be pleasantly surprised. Do you think that, like that's the thing we need to work on is kind of like taking the initiative to just ask or instigate kind of a an opportunity to further a relationship, even if it's just a brand new meeting yes yes yeah, when?
Hmm, yeah, 100%, and I do think as well there's like a another layer to this that I mean. Again, i don't know about your experience, but sometimes I think we're also out of practice of like putting in the work to build or maintain a relationship. We all know any relationship takes work, like a romantic or a platonic like, especially as we get adults and life gets busier. You know, even if you don't see your close friends all the time, you have to make effort to check in and all of this. And I do find that in those early stages of meeting new people it's a lot easier just to stop making the effort to continue that kind of friendship building or finding that community. But what I have found when I think back to because actually a lot of my close friends now are from people that I met at work and then left, so I didn't know them that well when I was at work, kind of towards the end, we started building a relationship. So afterwards, when I wasn't seeing them, i had to constantly put my energy out there And I think sometimes we can kind of do it and think, oh well, they're not making the same effort back or getting you know and start all of that kind of you know mind talk as well, but actually, sometimes, like, some people just have to be the person to put the effort in and then eventually it will get reciprocated. It just is one of those things And I think sometimes I've made the mistake where I'm like well, that person hasn't really messaged me that much or do this, and then I think, well, actually I don't really know what they've got going on.
Speaker 1:
Maybe they're not on their phone as much as me, because some people are like I've got a few friends who are absolutely terrible on their phone, but then when we see each other we get on really well. So it's not. I mean, obviously, if it's like completely one sided, there becomes a point, of course, where you're like maybe not, but most of the time it's just putting in that effort And I know for a fact I don't know about you, but I have been in the past really good at doing that. More recently I have just been like well, if they don't text me back, then I'm not going to keep chasing, type thing, and I think that is definitely a more of a mindset now as well. Collectively is oh, like, like it's a lot of effort and it is, and that's the thing to have a good, if you want to find your tribe, you have to put in the effort that you would expect back right, right, yeah, 100.
Speaker 3:
Yeah.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, 100%. And I think as well you know, that that person, even if it doesn't end up being a really, you know, close friendship or whatever, that person's always going to remember how you treated them and how you showed up for them, and so that, like that's just a good thing to put out there. And I do think as well you know, when we get to the point of building relationships then it's like, okay, how do we show up as our true selves? Because I think that's the next kind of layer or barrier holding us back as adults, because as kids kids we didn't know, we didn't have the same judgments, we were kind of just free and wild and didn't matter what we were doing. It was just very different because we were children and we didn't know, like, what we do as adults and the constructs and the shoulds and how to do this and all of these expectations. I guess it's a side to put sonners And so often when we go into these relationships, to start with we are quite reserved with who we are.
Speaker 1:
Have you got any tips or tools or, from your experience and within your community, how people can start showing up as 100% themselves? Because ultimately you almost, i think, want to put that foot forward first, because then nobody's going to be misled by who you are. But that can feel very scary, like being 100% you, particularly when maybe other people haven't necessarily received certain parts of you as you would like, or as an adult, you've been critiqued for being you know. Let's say, for example, in the past people said, oh, you talk too loud, you do this, you do that, and it's like, oh, can I still be that person now, because that's who I am? How do you, how have you found you, go about that? Yeah, definitely, and I think as well, yeah, sorry, carrie, i'm. And the thing, the crazy thing is and this is what I like from a mindset kind of flip point of view that I like to look at is, i can tell you now because of the conversations bearing in mind, i have done 72 episodes.
Speaker 1:
I've spoke to 70 women, not to mention there is probably another 100 women in terms of other circles that I've been in during the last five years easily Every single one. This is a common, common theme of I just want to find my tribe, i want to find my connection, i want to like find friendship as an adult. So if we're all wanting that, we've just got to like. It's, most of the time it's going to be reciprocated And when you know that you can be like, you know, even if the first meeting is a bit awkward or the first interaction isn't like perfect or whatever, most people will be really pleased in many cases to have been extended an opportunity to connect again or potentially see where something could go as a friend or in a relationship. Because, as I said, i that is the and I will say that like categorically, that is the number one thing that comes up in all the conversations I have with these women And they're amazing women.
Speaker 1:
They all have so much going for them. They're also bubbly. They've got so much personality, so many different like nuances and like amazing uniquenesses about them. Yeah, they're all saying the same thing. So the people are at, we're all out there, but we're all just almost like orbiting around each other, like just not quite touching, like not quite getting to the point of like making a connection, and so I just think, like when I had that mindset shift and doing this podcast and connecting with more people, that actually made me feel more confident, knowing, look, we're all in the same boat here, we all want the same thing. It's just one of us has got to be brave enough to like shoot the shot, and then, once you start doing that, you know they there's.
Speaker 1:
Then it's like a domino, isn't it? Because then you know they might introduce you to another group of people who have similarities or invite you to another event whereby you can connect with other people. But it's just taking those first few leaps And then, when you are presented with invites and opportunities taking that because I know again, there's been times where it's like, oh, you know, i'm really tired, i had a long week, i really don't want to do this. But then I think, well, do you know what? I don't normally get invited to these things because I'm new here, so I just need to put on my big girl pants. Sometimes you do just have to do the things that you know.
Speaker 1:
I'm all for like doing things that light you up and are like a fuck, yes, thing. But sometimes it is. It's just not in that moment because I'm tired And it's like putting yourself out there. So I really love like what you were sharing about. You know, maybe just holding parts back that until you trust somebody. But how do you stop then imposter syndrome kind of getting in the way of potentially, you know, showing up more and more as you build that trust. Is that something you found, or do you think that people, once they kind of have that level of trust, are still, you know, are willing to 100% show up as their best selves in whatever that looks like?
Speaker 3:
Mm, hmm, mm, hmm, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes.
Yeah, yeah, so I think, yeah. So, when we just taking it back, like most of the people listening to this podcast will most certainly be on a self exploration, self development, whatever you want to call it journey, wanting to explore themselves, grow into the best version of the cells, be the best version of the cells that they can be in this moment, and I think that's a really important part of the process And I'm sure many probably can relate to this. Whether they've admitted it out loud to themselves or not is another thing. But I had a realization which you kind of touched on was when I first started this journey. You know you read all the books. You know you're really trying to change the stuff that you just don't like about yourself and the stuff that's going on around around you that you like. Why is this happening? So you have to obviously go through that in a reflection period and start doing that kind of journey and it will look different for everybody, but for me, i know, after reading certain books and like hearing just tidbits online, because remember and this is where I made the big mistake is online. We see things in like 30 seconds, like snippets, or 15 seconds or 90 seconds, and it's very quick and often doesn't have context, which is great because I understand, you know, we get to take in information quickly and learn things But at the same time, when it's missing context, a lot of these things, any conversation or any topic can be so nuanced that I do find that when I was going through that, I was absorbing this 15 second time without really, i would say, probably using critical thinking for myself which is unlike me, because I do.
Speaker 1:
I do love a critical thing But I realized that I was starting to get to a place where I was like, oh, if this person is bringing down my energy, then I can't do this and I can't be around them and like almost getting into a state of anxiety And I'm just going to call myself out on it and this might trigger people as well But like on your high horse, like almost like you're better than somebody because you're working on yourself. Now let me be clear I didn't actually think that, and I don't now, but at the time I was starting to go that way without even realizing that, because of the way that I was potentially cutting off potential relationships or at least pulling back further than I would, and I do think there's an element of you have to kind of go through that to have the realization, to be honest, because otherwise you wouldn't. But what that came out the other side thinking was the reason we do this self development work is like the if you really think about it is to make sure that we can. We can try and love all of ourselves the good, the bad and the ugly and change things or at least work on things that we want to, that that maybe we don't aren't comfortable about ourselves or don't like about ourselves, and you know, like, change that or look at why that is. But the other thing is to be able to have god damn good relationships with people, whether that be friends, whether that be romantic, like we're doing the work to be a better person, but that's in order to have these relationships, have these human connections. So why are we then going the full circle, like you said, and cutting people out? and I think when I had that realization, i was like, oh, I'm doing that thing. Okay, you know, like I forgive myself, you know I needed that awareness. I was just very consumed in trying to make myself a better person that I almost, like lost touch with. You know why I was doing this And then I realized actually, of course there's boundaries, of course the situation that might not be good for you, that you do have to remove yourself from that's very different from deciding.
Speaker 1:
Do you know what I love these people. They're not necessarily my entrepreneurship friends, so I'm not going to all like the people that are kind of getting that And they're just doing their nine to five like they, they don't really understand which is great, like they're living their life. Maybe they can, maybe I just won't have the relationship where I lean on them for that And to expect that is unfair. Why can't I just, you know, they give me a really with. We have a really great laugh. They're so funny, they actually bring me the joy I need when I need to switch off. Why can't I use relationships and have boundaries in that way and still maintain that relationship?
Speaker 1:
And when I had that aha moment I was like, oh, i've been doing this all wrong And I don't know if you have ever been through that.
Speaker 1:
I know it was, you know, at the start of my journey.
Speaker 1:
But I'm so glad I had that realization and I hope, when people listen to this, that and if you've done it like, don't be hard on yourself, like we're all just out here trying to figure life out, like we're not perfect, but I think, just being aware of that and then being like, okay, actually, how can I manage this so that I, you can have intentionality with your relationships and still not necessarily have to you like, not every single person has to give you everything, and that's when I realized and that's the same with a romantic and a platonic relationship.
Speaker 1:
Now you might get the odd person who just feels like your soul system or whatever, and you just they get everything about you and that's great, but most of the time we are not going to be everything for everyone and vice versa. And that's when I was like, okay, i'm doing this wrong, and it was very simple to change because I was aware of it. Like, what were your kind of feelings? did you ever go through that? or have you experienced that on the receiving, even, maybe from maybe someone else?
Yeah, yeah, no, i think that's actually really important. And two things that just kind of popped in my mind as you were saying. That was, i think, when you were talking about you know it takes time to cultivate relationships. It's also maybe and this just came up for myself thinking about the season you're in when it comes to relationships. Right now I'm in the season of needing to go out and find new relationships and build new relationships because I've moved, my friendship circle has changed And so I'm going to put I need to put my effort there And then, over time, cultivate those relationships.
Speaker 1:
You might be in a season of actually having to do the cultivation of those relationships, maybe like where you are, where you've done the putting yourself out there And now it's actually building up the relationships that you have and working on those. Because I do think as well, sometimes we can be so keen on just always like, okay, let me find all these people because that person's not quite the person, like the BFF I thought they were going to be, or whatever, when actually, sometimes I think maybe it's just because we haven't allowed put. You know, we need to water the seeds, you know, and we haven't done that. So maybe as well. When you're thinking about this, just take stock of where you are. For some, you might be like me where it's like Right, i need to really put myself out in the new situations to find the connections. For others, it might be okay. I'm in my cultivating stage. I'm in my stage whereby, you know, i'm like nourishing those relationships. So that was something that kind of popped up.
Speaker 1:
And then also, when you mentioned about the timepiece, i do think this is really key because, yes, we are so time poor, as generally as a society, in part because we impose it on ourselves, but just because life is so busy, but it is important to get the things that we want done. But I do think and I'm guilty of this myself as well is, as humans, we have certain basic needs, and one of those is connection, and I think it's probably the one that we are not ignoring the most. And actually putting time aside for connection is just an important connection with self, as is connection with other humans. And so just to have that kind of thought in the back of your mind of, yes, my time is precious and I don't want to waste it, but wasting time making connections isn't a waste, and I think, yeah, you're right, we've kind of almost gone a little bit too pendulum of the self absorbed, self care, And I think you know it happened for a reason, because we were probably neglecting ourselves for so long that we've gone into this era of needing that.
Speaker 1:
But just reminding yourself in the back of your mind, we need that balance as well, and so, yeah, i think that has been like a really I've just talking about this out loud. I have kind of downloads have come to me from this conversation And I know what you've shared is going to help so many people. So, before we end the episode, i just want to ask you one question And it's just something that is completely unrelated And I love to just end on it And that is what's the one thing that you are really excited about right now, and it can be a material thing, a product, a service, something you're working on, something you're doing, something you're creating, like what is lighting you up right now?
Speaker 3:
Oh, nice, yeah. Yeah, i love that.
Speaker 1:
Amazing. I love it. Such a great way to end And so obviously I'm sure people will want to know how to connect with you, how to get into your energy and join your community. Even So, how do they find you? Where's the best way to connect? Amazing. I'll make sure all of that is obviously in the show notes so people can click through. Thank you so much. I've really enjoyed our conversation today.