FROM REFLECTION TO ACTION: MY STORY ENTERING MY 30'S AND THE BEST DECADE YET

As I stand on the precipice of my 30s, I invite you into my intimate world of self-discovery and growth, as I reflect and share the lessons I've learned through my personal journey. It's about embracing change fearlessly, setting intentions, and basking in the honesty of self-reflection as I navigate my Saturn return.

It's time to break the sound barrier of our fears and express our needs and love in all aspects of our relationships. We'll investigate the art of resolving conflicts, setting boundaries and trusting our instincts. Believe me when I say, this isn't about being prescriptive: it's about valuing our emotional well-being.

As we delve into embracing self-development and building relationships, I want to share that I've learned the power of asking for help and how it has transformed my relationships. I wish I had known this in my mid-20s. But remember, it's never too late to act on the knowledge we gain. Let's make a pact to welcome the next chapter of our lives, not wasting any more precious time. Listen in, and if my journey resonates with you, I'd love for you to leave a review so we can reach and inspire more listeners.

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Transcript

Hannah: 1:25

Hello, welcome back to empower thyself podcast. I'm your host, hannah Garner, and if you're new here, welcome, welcome, welcome. I'm so excited to have you tuned in. Don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss out on all the amazing episodes. And definitely go check out the bank of episodes that are available Now. There's over 70 at this stage, covering holistic health, mindset, self development, spirituality, manifestation, business, entrepreneurship and the amazing interviews with so many different women from all walks of life. So I really hope that you can find the ones that resonate.

Hannah: 2:04

I love going back and binging episodes and I will just like see what's calling to me that day, so I'll flick back see a title. I do try and be as specific as possible in the title where I can, because for me, I like to know what I'm about to listen to. So I like to see the overall vibe rather than just like interview with so and so or we talk about manifestation, like I get really specific. So it should be quite easy to check out the episodes. So please do that. If you're feeling kind and something we've said has helped resonated, then please, please, please, leave an Apple podcast review. You know, as a new podcast wanting to grow, this is one of the easiest ways to help me reach new audiences. It only takes five minutes of your time but it helps your girl out a lot. And you know I do put so much time and effort. Like if you understood how much time and effort a podcast takes when you want to do it seriously, like there's so much that goes into it. You don't just click and record, especially when you've got guests that have in the coffee chats before it's having just to see if the guests fit and the vibes right and choosing a topic. It's scheduling that, updating your calendar, it's sending out invites, zoom invites for those conversations, is following up with emails, is booking people in. It's then rearranging. It's then, you know, setting up the actual recording schedule and it's then making sure you've got the information you need to request for, like bios and all of that stuff, and that's before we've even got to the actual recording. Then it's the recording, then it's the editing and then it's, you know, scheduling and writing the show notes and making content for social media. I do all of it, absolutely every single last thing myself.

Hannah: 3:44

Now, future goals is definitely to start outsourcing, getting a bit more support, not just because I don't want to do it, but because I have such big vision and want to make it the best, the best, the best the best that I can, and there's so much that I know like I'm not a great editor. I do what I can and I wanted to learn the ropes, but I know there's somebody who's like way, way, way better than me out there. So you know I want to bring those people on board, but for now it's not that. And so because and I'm doing this as well around working I'm not just doing this like as my full time job, yet that would be the long time goal. So, as I mentioned, I wanted to just put that into context before we start the episode, because it is a solo one today, just because any review, any share with a friend, any tag on a story means the absolute world to me, and I know it's like easy to do when you see all these big podcasts and big names and you know supporting celebrities and all that shit. But that's great and I love it and you know, eventually I'll hopefully be there and that'll be what people are doing for me. But help a small person, small time person out who's giving that all to something as well, like be that person support that friend, you know, and it doesn't go unnoticed and I really really do appreciate it. So now that bits out the way, that was my little beg for the day.

Hannah: 5:04

I am going to be going into my solo episode and this one's quite a special one for me and I hope it's going to be helpful. I'm going to call it green flags. I'm taking into my 30s. So if you don't know me, then obviously I am turning 30 at the end of the July. I am Leo, I feel 21 in my mind and body but I have like what feels like a lifetime of knowledge and wisdom. I feel like a 50 year old but I still don't feel like 30 yet. Like saying that out loud sounds wired to me, but I think there's been a lot of personal self development, a lot of shifts, a lot of things, uncomfortable things and uncomfortable stuff that's come up, particularly in the last eight months.

Hannah: 5:51

You know I've been working on myself for a good 10 years now, more heavily the last six or seven and even more so the last couple of years, and you know it's been a real journey and I think this episode, although I'm saying like green flags, I'm taking into my 30s this is going to be for, I would say, people in their mid 20s who, like want to skip some of the more. Not skip because we will have to do the journey, but like start implementing the stuff that I wish I'd known when I was 20, or like in my mid 20s and or even if you're like thinking you know I'm in my 30s, 40s, 50s and I'm ready for a change and I feel like I've done all this work. But you know, I want to just really embrace all of me. Hopefully, me going through this is going to make you maybe have a think about the rest of the year, like what energy can I take into the next six months of the year?

Hannah: 6:46

You don't have to be having like this big kind of pivotal birthday. And the reason I say big pivotal I know some people don't class it as big, pivotal, but I'm really into astrology and obviously during your 29, 30 age you go through your Saturn return and it's really kind of like eye opening. I will be covering that because I have an amazing astrologer joining me for a good couple of episodes soon. So even more reason to subscribe, because I'm going to be going and getting a lady who knows absolutely everything on and like breaking it down and helping us start from the beginning, like so we can start using it if we love it. But you know we're not really fully understanding all of the ins and outs Like, we've got some amazing episodes lined up. So, with that said, that's when I say a big birthday, a big, pivotal moment Well, only that I do really feel like for me personally, and I'd love to know, like when I'm sharing these, I'd love to like, know, like, and for you to go away and think you know some of these you might already be bossing in life, some of these you might not have even considered, and there might be something else, but it just kind of gets you thinking about that list of like how can I really honor myself the most in this lifetime?

Hannah: 8:04

And like what I can bring and what I can do and what promises I can make to myself in order to create that version of me, right, and I'd be so interested to know, like, your experience if you are in, you know, coming up to your 20, coming up to your 30s, or if you're in your mid 30s and you've been there, like how did you find that? Because for me it's kind of crazy, because it's not even societal pressures here saying you have to do XYZ by then. It's honestly like a personal internal pressure that for a good year everything has just been coming up over and over again, like my desire to step into motherhood at some point, like I love kids and I've always loved kids and always wanted to be a young mum. But honestly I can say in my 20s I never understood, like what broody meant, like I never felt it. But it's like in the last year something has switched. Whether it's I don't know if there's like a literal, you know something that happens in your body being like it's time, it's time. And you know that kind of like low hum in the back of my mind like, oh, that's what I really want to do, but then also wanting to like be the career girl because I am ambitious, I am loving, like you know, there's so much I want to do with the podcast and getting all your ducks and around all that stuff.

Hannah: 9:24

It's just created this combustion of like in serious pressure in my mind and I'm not going to lie, I was kind of dreading 30s because then I was like for fuck's sake, I haven't done x, y, z yet. And again, this is all me, thankfully not anybody else, but I know some people can experience it from society as well. But for me this was all like internal and then I kind of, as I said, have been going through the Saturn return and that can be uncomfortable, that strips away a lot, that can shake up a lot of things, and I really like have been experiencing that. Luckily, the tools and the foundations I laid over the last few years definitely helped ride that one out. But there's definitely been some really icky moments of like having to really look at myself and be like maybe I'm the problem or maybe I need to fix this or what have I allowed here that's created this situation? Now I need to be responsible and get rid of it or fix it right.

Hannah: 10:23

That's how I can personally say I've experienced it and it's really interesting because you know I would always look at myself, as you know, very confident generally, like I'll share my opinions and I'll do certain things. But I know it's particularly the last few years that there were certain things that I believed I was, but actually there was times when I was slipping up on. That was times when I wasn't actually fully embodying it, and I'm just, I'm not prepared to do that anymore. And now, as we get closer to my 30s like as I said, literally this is going to come out the Wednesday and before my 30th birthday on the Sunday. I am 30 on the 30th of July, so that's cool as well, but that's just my view. But I, yeah, the last few months, after all this crazy like internal pressure, the saturn return, everything going on I really started to think, wow, like the best years of my life haven't even happened yet. How fucking exciting. But also I can't explain it.

Hannah: 11:30

But it's like I've always been quite mature, but I also am very goofy and like to have fun. I do like to be that person as well. So, depending on the situation, I need what I need to bring, like if I'm just hanging about and I can be goofy and like with my friends and family and whatever. But you know in work situations and in conversations that I need to be like switched on, mature, bring the wisdom, like do you know, be sensible, etc. I can do that too.

Hannah: 11:59

But weirdly, the last six months, but more so the last three months, I feel like a switch has gone off. That's like okay, I'm an adult, adult now, but not in the sense of, like it feels like shackles in the sense of I just have this kind of sense of calm and peace that, like this is going to be a really fun ride. I like, really am going to embrace doing all of these things that maybe 20 year old Hannah had to play around with, had to learn how to make mistakes, had to, who maybe didn't follow in body, who maybe thought she was this, but actually kind of let herself down in certain scenarios and certain situations when actually, like now, I've just got this thing like I just will not tolerate that anymore. And, as I said, I don't know what's happened, I don't know how it's happened, but I just know it's happened. I can feel it in my core, in my soul, and not only that, I was thinking, like you know, not to get morbid, and I mean this more from a way of thinking how this could be a useful mindset switch that 30 years is a third of my life, like this is more middle age than we're led to believe, like, of course, people refer to like 40s, 50s, 60s, like middle age.

Hannah: 13:21

I think that's technically not true. It's just because that's more towards you get retirement age 30, if I'm lucky and I'm healthy and I look after myself. I have got another two thirds of my life left and I'm going to make sure I maximise them. But when you kind of look at it like that, you're like shit. I do not want to waste any more time being Walked all over or people pleasing or not doing what brings me joy, or not taking the risk or all of those kind of things that I'm going to dive to in a minute. It's kind of this realization that I am not wasting no more fucking time Period. And you know that's a real like. That's and I mean that in an exciting way. For some people that might feel like, but for me that feels really exciting and I'm like I'm ready to roll. So what I'm going to do is just kind of go through and share, like, certain things that have come up for me. I've been thinking about this for a long time like deep, deep, and I'm not going to go into it deep, deep, but I'm going to share the things that you know I am really ready to embrace moving into this new era, into this new decade. I'm ready and I'm hoping, as I said, that it inspires you to either if you're feeling a bit like I'm not fully embodying things, to go and think about that list, whether you, as I said, you're in your 30s, 40s or 50s, or maybe you're in your mid 20s and you're like, do you know what this could be really helpful for me? To start like practicing and working and building on now, because that is going to set amazing foundations for me.

Hannah: 14:57

I do think that in your 20s you do have to play, you do have to make your mistakes and don't get wrong. In fact, I think that's the whole of life. We're always going to go through cycles, but in your 20s you're really figuring out who the fuck you are and just when you think you know who you are, something else happens to question it all. Let me tell you, because I have been a money, career driven woman, like nothing's going to stop me. And then I'm like no way I want to be the mother that stays at home and homeschools of children Like you go through it all and yours might not look like that. You know everybody has different things, but I'm sure you'll have a version of that for yourself and that's what your 20s feels like.

Hannah: 15:32

So now I've given you the background. Now we've kind of had a little intro to where I'm at, what I'm feeling. This is a little bit of a celebratory kind of episode, a bit of a motivational episode midway through the year, kind of celebrating myself ready for the 30s, hopefully giving you inspiration, making you have a thing. And I'm excited because I've already started embodying these a bit. But like when I tell you when I am 30 and that clock strikes on Sunday, I am going to hold that myself so fucking accountable. Like there's no wobblies, there's no ifs, buts, what's maybes, I can't do. That is, this is me now. And of course that can be fluid and change, but like in terms of how I desire to show up, but like you'll see what I mean when I share, so let's get into it. So, firstly, I've got a list. So if you hear a bit of crinkly paper, I apologize, but I did want to miss anything because I got really excited planning this episode as a set up, in thinking about this for a while.

Hannah: 16:35

So, number one, being brutally honest and telling the truth. Now, this is quite a big one, so I'm going to go into detail here. Some of them are going to be quick, little tick ticks, just sharing them. This one I want to go into, and the reason for that is because people who know me closely and people who see me on social media I'm pretty fucking honest as a person. I'm not going to lie to you. I don't generally hold that and I do so always with love and intention. And I will caveat this and say you can be honest and you can tell the truth without being a dig right. You really can.

Hannah: 17:19

There is a way to approach these things and there's a way to do these things whereby because sometimes you have to take in, you know, with maturity, you take in the fact like there's given an opinion and being honest in your like early adulthood, where you probably say things and other people because they may be not ready to receive it, or the way you deliver, it just doesn't work and it upsets people and it can cause risk, blah, blah, blah. I think that you can be brutally honest and tell the truth and do it in a way that works. And what I mean by that is you can look at your situation. If, say, a friend asks you about an outfit and you know you really don't like the outfit, I don't want to lie about that anymore. But equally, you know they're my friend and I want to hype them up. I want to make them feel good. I want, you know, all of those kind of things and like, for example, if a friend was really delicate and going through a hard time and like struggling with their self-esteem and stuff, like the way you're going to deliver something in that scenario is going to be very different to somebody you know who just like needs you to say, no, that looks shit, like you can do better than that girl you know.

Hannah: 18:27

So it's about being aware of your surroundings, being aware of the situation, being aware of your delivery and tone and also sometimes realizing, like if somebody asked for feedback but you know that moment in time is not the way to give that. I'm not, you don't lie. So let's just say somebody wanted feedback on something that they did and you let's just say they did a show. I don't know, I'm just making this up to try and give an example. Let's say they did a show. You went to it. They were really hyped, they've worked really hard on it, but you didn't necessarily love it right. But you know that they poured their heart into it. You know it was really.

Hannah: 19:04

You know that maybe they didn't like do something as good as you know that they can do it and you're like that you really want to support them. If they didn't ask you for the feedback on the night they've just come off from this show For you to then be like, no, I didn't enjoy it, it was shit. Especially when they've got the adrenaline, they're really excited. You know they want the feedback, but they also, at the same time, don't want the feedback if it's honest. That's not necessarily going to work, but the difference between me being brutally honest now, stepping into this era, versus before I might have, like, white lied, or I might have said something that wasn't true, but it wasn't being truthful and honest to myself, but it also wasn't always, you know potentially helping that person, because you know, for me you want people who are going to tell you the truth, who are going to be honest, who are going to bring out the best in you, right. And so now in that situation, I might say something along the lines of like, pick something that I really liked about it because that is honest. Like, be honest. Like, oh, I really like this part. I'd love to speak to you and like, debrief another day. Like, but well done for your show, right, deliver that.

Hannah: 20:16

And then when that person, the energy is down, you're in a different time. You're, you know, you're not, they're able to, you know, take on that on board that kind of information a bit better. Then at that point there can be a conversation where you can be like you know, they're like, okay, what did you think? Then you can go in and be like, look, if I'm being really honest, like you did XYZ amazingly, but I know you could have done this better or I feel like that didn't quite like convert in the way you wanted it to, and you can give that honest and constructive feedback then.

Hannah: 20:49

So it's things like that that I'm not going to white lie anymore to make people happy, but at the same time, I'm going to be very aware that I want to be kind and want to support people. I want, but I also want, to show up for them. Like to me, a true friend and honest friend and amazing friend is somebody who I can tell the truth to. And they can tell the truth to me, they can call me up on my shit, they can be honest to me in a great way and I expect them to deliver it. You know it's hard taking things, because I know. If somebody says something that I don't like but the way it's delivered is like hard, I'm not going to respond well to that and I might ignore it or not take it on. But if somebody says it from love and with intention and like does it in the right setting, I really appreciate that because I'm like do you know what? Most of the time like we kind of know, we kind of know, but sometimes you just need someone to like tell us that or like reflect that back to us.

Hannah: 21:44

So yeah, and another place that I found that I am not always being brutally honest in is in my relationship, in a romantic relationship, and when I say not being completely honest, I'm like really loyal. I'm not talking like cheating, doing dodgy things or anything like that. What I mean is like little white lies where you know maybe your partner is saying like oh, asking about you know previous relationships or this or that, and you kind of say something at the time and then a few years later it comes back up and because you've not necessarily told the full truth at the time kind of bites you on the bone a bit, even though nothing is untoward, nothing happened, but at the time you just like maybe we're holding back out of fear of judgment or you know, let's just say you wanted to share your I don't know sexual desires or knees or something like that, and you've maybe not been completely honest because you're a bit embarrassed or whatever. Like I'm talking about honesty there. Like I'm not talking about deal breaks, I'm not talking about deceiving people here. I'm talking about things where maybe you've helped back because you're worried about fear of judgment or embarrassment or like being too much.

Hannah: 22:49

Or you know, like whatever I'm talking about in those moments, even when it feels uncomfortable, even when it feels really hard, even when I'm like, oh, inside, like this person's going to judge me, or I'm really embarrassed, or I don't want to say this out loud I'm going to, I'm going to suck it up, pull my big girl pants up and say it, say it for what it is and how it is, and I do truly believe that that is so freeing. Like, for me, that feels like the next stage of like my expansion, in the sense of like fully embracing being me. Like, as I said, I thought I was being me and I was. There wasn't necessarily a facade or something, but being able to fully embrace even the bits that I may be a bit ashamed of or uncomfortable of or like not a hundred percent on board, like embracing that as well as all the great things you know, and that requires brutal honesty and brutal truth. So that is where I'm going with that and that is a really important one for me.

Hannah: 23:48

And so, if you are in my circle, if you know me, like expect that, and I, you know, my friends and my family do, and I will, as I said, this is coming from a place of kindness. I'm going to assess the situation. I'm not going to just be like that looks shit, like what the hell? Of course not. I'm always going to try and do it in the best way, but I'm going to do it, even if sometimes, you know things don't necessarily you know at the time it's like uncomfortable, and let me tell you, this will deepen relationships as well, because there has been once or twice where, like with my best friends, I've like said something that they've maybe not liked here. You know, like as a friend, when they're in, you know going through a relationship issue and you're like, look, nobody else is going to say this, but I'm going to say this to you. You're like causing this shit yourself or whatever.

Hannah: 24:36

There's been times like that in my friendships where I've done that once or twice and it's been hard and like maybe my friend's been upset or cried and I felt bad, but actually in hindsight, like we've both been like you were right and I really appreciate you doing that and it's deep in that bond it's. You know, if I can be honest with them, they know they can be honest with me. It also lays amazing foundations to be really open and vulnerable with each other, and that is an amazing thing. So it does pay off, right. The truth always wins and you're never then having to like go back on yourself or explain yourself later down the line because from the get go, you just said it how it is. You've just shown up how you are and what you believe, right, so that's a real big one. So I'm putting it out there.

Hannah: 25:26

The next one is so trivial and so random, but one I think is really important and one of my 20s I found myself doing a lot is explaining my health choices. If I want to be fucking vegan and then I go and eat meat, I'm gonna go and do it. If I want to eat a salad for lunch, like honestly sounds so stupid and it sounds stupid to say it out loud, but it happens all the time. If I, I love salad, right. I love all the bad things too, but I love crunchy things. I haven't. I really like crunchy food, right? So I love a salad. To me, a proper salad, made with all the nice stuff, is not a diet, is not a punishment, is not anything. The amount of times people said, oh, why haven't a salad for lunch? You want to diet? Sorry, what? No, so I'm not gonna explain my health choices, no more. I'm not gonna explain what I'm doing, why I'm doing it, how I'm doing it. There's no boxes. If people want to think what they think, so be it. But that was just like one of the things that in my 20s and reflecting back, really used to annoy me. But I still try to explain myself, like why am I doing that? Why am I explaining myself? Just gonna do me, you do you. Let's move on. So that's a quick one, but definitely something I'm gonna be doing and no more of.

Hannah: 26:35

The next thing, which I think is really important again, particularly pertaining to romantic and platonic relationships, is expressing my needs, wants and desires and owning them. That is something that I have struggled with in particular, in part because I didn't know always what that looked like for myself anyway, and so then having to like express that to other people has been hard. But, for example, me wanting to like get married, for example, way back when I really wasn't interested in it because I was like you know, I think it's just a piece of paper, I was very against like doing the things that society said. As I've got older and as I've gone on reflection, that's something I really like. Do I want a big wedding? Don't want all the money, the fact, the things. No, honestly, not really.

Hannah: 27:30

It's about the commitment piece. For me, it's about that deepening that connection or seeing what that connection can happen with myself and that person. And do you know what? I had to really go away and do some deep thinking because I had to even question myself and be like am I just thinking about this and saying I want this because all of a sudden I'm getting of an age? I've seen people getting married, engaged, this and the other, blah, blah, blah or is this like a true need? And when I, as I said, I sat on it, I meditated, I felt about it for a long time when it came up like no, no, no, this is something that you desire in your life path of this in this life that was hard to like, kind of express and come to terms with, because I'd been so anti that when I was younger.

Hannah: 28:18

So it's things like that whereby you know, sharing that with people and also accepting that people don't, necessarily because people we are so unique, we're so different, we function so differently. Even coming to terms with the fact that men think so different for women and others, women make our lives much more difficult and more hellish. Trying to think that men think like us when they fucking don't is actually being like okay, well, men don't think like this, they just don't, and it's not, it's not a good thing, it's not bad thing, it's a neutral thing. It's just we're wired differently biologically and everything. The way we think is just different, and also adding then the layer of uniqueness of like individuals on top of that and character and who we are. We're just different.

Hannah: 28:59

And so also not expecting people to be able to read my mind, because I think a lot of the time because we expect people to just know our needs or know what we want, or like know our desires or expecting them to kind of pick that up through little hints. Sometimes we have to be black and white with this stuff and we have to share it, particularly if it's very fundamental and very important to you, like if you need love and connection and touch, you need to express that. If your partner isn't that and it doesn't mean that they don't love you or they don't want to be with you, but for them maybe that's not an important thing to them, so they won't do that but if that is something that's important to you, yes, it might not be, as you might not get as much as you might from a really other affectionate partner. If you were with somebody who also really desired touch, but expressing it and saying, look, I need regular hugs because that's just who I am, it calms me down, it's what I like. Expressing that like, can you meet me there? That is gonna lay amazing foundations. But also it's going to allow you to really own them but also experience the life and the joy and all of the things the way you want to and people can't read our minds but also owning them. Like I said, me having to turn around and be like, hmm, I didn't want to do that and now I do, like I changed my mind and it's quite a big decision-changer, like that was difficult, but I just think it's a really important one. So that is something that I think more of us need to do, because many, many, many of us don't do that and I think we could all help ourselves because we can become better friends, better partners, better acquaintances, even at work, like we can do. We can make better choices and do things in a way when we know what other people want and they know what we want. It's going to reduce miscommunication, it's going to reduce resentment, it's going to reduce assumptions because we have laid it on the table. So that's a big one.

Hannah: 31:01

The next one is and this one's going to be tricky for me, but important and that is openly being more loving and vulnerable with that, even if it's not reciprocated. You see the thing with me over the last 30 years I have been historically very guarded with my emotions. I struggled to express them, I'm not good with it, but I'm on a deep level. I'm a very loving, loyal person and I truly want to see the best for my friends and my family and the people I love, but also like humanity, like genuinely as much as I joke, like sometimes I hate humans, which I do and I just really want to see the best in people and really like, want to love all humans and pass that love on, because there's not enough, and you know I've learned that that's been hard and it's going to be something that I'm gonna you know it's going to be an active working on. However, I'm not going to expect things back before. I'd be like, oh, I can only love somebody if I get that back again in fear of rejection, fear of like, not, you know, receiving that. But I'm at a stage where I'm like you know what? Because I can give that love to myself, even if somebody rejects that or even if somebody doesn't receive it in the way that I want. I know that that's only going to make me feel better, but also it is going to have a butterfly effect on the people around me and, even if it's not everybody, that is going to make the world a better place. But also I'm owning who I truly want to be, because deep down, I want to be a loving person, because it's in me. I've just struggled with doing that in the past and so that is something that I'm really stepping into and embracing and, as I said, that's going to be a more of a journey one. But, as of Sunday, there's no more hiding like if I want to share the love, I'm going to share the love, whether you fucking hate me or not, and so be it. Oh, it is what it is and that's what I'm going to really step into.

Hannah: 33:07

The next one is I'm not a pondergetically spending within my values and also pulling myself up on my shit, and what I mean by that is in your twenties. You know it's so easy to get caught with the Joneses. It's so easy. And like making sure you look good, like spending money to look like, oh, I'm happy, or buying things, or even and I know so many people do this but spending money because friends ask you to do things and ask you out, even though, like you really want to say, for this holiday or the house or this or that, but because you're worried about letting people down, you let yourself down by moving away from your values and spending time with your friends. And it's not to say you don't want to spend time with your friends, but you spend that money that you really know you shouldn't or you don't want to, because you don't want to like let people down.

Hannah: 34:00

So, going forward, I'm going to be spending in line with my values and if that includes allocating time for friends, of course it will do. Of course it will do making memories, but then I'm not necessarily going to be a yes girl to everything it might be. Actually, I don't want to spend money this month on that because I've, you know, I want to put some money aside, I want to save, etc. Or I've got holiday coming up. I'd love to see you. Let's like come to my house, have a coffee, or let me come to you, let's do a dinner at home, like that kind of stuff. You can still do things without having to like say yes to all the things, and even things like you know, hindus and weddings and etc. Etc.

Hannah: 34:38

Like that can become such a big expectation and burden on people. Like I'm not going to necessarily say yes to all the Hindus if I can't do them, because I want to prioritize going on holiday with my partner first and then after that what actually is important to me that year, what can I afford, what can I budget? And so it's stuff like that that I'm like no, no more. Am I going to just like, make it work. I'm going to make everything work for me and what I want, and obviously that means I need to be really clear on those values and I'm always assessing them, which I have done.

Hannah: 35:11

But that's a big no, no, and also calling myself up on my shit with this, because it's, you know, easy having the boundaries with other people. But, like when I, you know, I can make excuses for myself, like, oh, I just did this because I was having a hard time, or, you know, I've worked really hard, so I deserve to spend that money. But, like, future me is not going to thank me for that when I haven't got enough to save it all for a house deposit or whatever the situation is. I'm just using these as examples. I I am going to call myself up on that shit and I'm going to be strict with it and I'm going to make sure that I stick to it, because I ain't got no time to not be setting myself up now. You know, I've had times where I've had to make sacrifices. I'm still prepared to make sacrifices, but I want to move into this rich girl era, and rich and I don't just mean rich in monetary terms, I mean resources, time, memories, everything and I think in order to accomplish that, it does require having to spend within your values. So that's a big one.

Hannah: 36:09

The next thing is not leaving conflict unresolved or making assumptions about what I think people meant behind their actions or what they said. I don't do this very often. There are times, even in work or even in like with acquaintances, or situations like where I've had a podcast, for example. I've had people cancel on me and I kind of like, oh God, like how could they do that? Like with letting me know so little time, blah, blah, blah.

Hannah: 36:39

And then you find out actually there's a really good reason for it, but you've made up this big story in your head and you're getting pissed off with them, and then your energy shifts or whatever, like oh, that's really disrespectful. No, I'm not going to let myself get to that situation. Instead, if I'm not sure and I don't have the facts laid out in black and white, I'm going to say and I'll say this in person or on email, just so I understand and correct me if I'm wrong the reason you said this or the reason you did this is because of XYZ. Is that correct? Because then they'll be like oh no, don't be silly, like it was because of this, like gosh, sorry, I didn't realize, you didn't know that.

Hannah: 37:21

Or it's like yeah, that's the situation, because then you can make decisions, take action and respond in the appropriate way, not only not wasting time, you're also not wasting time like emotional energy mulling over it in your brain or like you're not shifting your energy, like if I can try and keep my energy generally as high vibe as possible and as loving as possible. That means that as soon as I start making assumptions, I suck myself down to lower levels, because then I'm getting, as I said, irritated, frustrated, annoyed, angry, da, da, da da. Whereas if I can bite that in the bullet, I don't even need to go down to that because I have the facts, I have the black and white presented into me and nine times out of 10, it's not going to up my assumptions, probably worse in my head than what it actually is, and therefore it allows me to stay in that more high vibrational space. So it's saving time, energy, emotionally, and also, again, it goes back to I think it will make relationships stronger, it will make your life easier because you know where you are with people and people learn to communicate back with you. And of course there might be situations where people do lie or say one thing and do another Like yes, of course we need to be mindful of people's actions and see if what they're saying aligns with those actions, but in most cases that's not going to be a problem for the majority of the people you surround yourself with and that's a really big one. It seems so minor, but as I've got to my 30s, I'm like there is so many times over the last 10 years where things have gone like on situationally, whereby if I just asked first and found out, I could have saved them and I was all that agro or maybe that relationship would have blossomed or flourish rather than, you know, broken down. It doesn't happen often, but there's definitely scenarios. So that is again another one. And also not leaving conflict unresolved. You know, I know it's easy sometimes to like just think I'm being stubborn, I'm not going to go and speak to that person or my partner, I'm going to fall asleep angry and I'm pretty guilty for this. I would hand up being totally self-aware and honest. I've come a really long way with my relationships, platonic relationships, my family acquaintances, etc. So managing that and not getting triggered.

Hannah: 39:39

But a romantic relationship is, I believe, the most triggering reflective time for an individual because they bring out your deepest, darkest feels, vibes, unhealed parts, bits you don't like about yourself, bits you don't like about them. It's kind of like all this big mix and it's the one place where I find myself now still like losing my temper very quickly. That generally in life, hand on my heart, compared to like 15 year old, 20 year old Hannah, where I could lose my rag really quickly with family or in situations. I am so calm now and it's not fake Like I genuinely most of the time can like remain calm, think rationally, think before I speak, etc. In a romantic relationship that doesn't always happen. And then I have guilt afterwards because I'm like it's not even about the other person, is such like I've said, so bad, it's more like damn, I didn't want to be that person. And so I'm really going to focus on trying to work on that and I know in that area I'm never going to be perfect because, as I said, I think, given the type of relationship it is, there's always going to. That's the place that's going to like test you the most.

Hannah: 41:02

But definitely, like unresolved conflicts. I'm guilty for being stubborn be arched when these things happen Like some pissed off, I'm like, fuck it, I'm not going to speak to you until you speak to me. And if you don't speak to me for a day or two days, I'm not going to speak to you. Instead of, instead of that yeah, of course you might need a bit of time, but I'm just not going to allow that to brew for a long time. I'm not going to leave it unresolved overnight, because life's too short, man, and it's not healthy and 99% of the time. Are we going to resolve it? Are we going to move on from it? Hell yeah, it's not a deal breaker. We ain't breaking up. We ain't doing this. So why am I allowing us to stay in that Again low vibration energy for longer than we need to be? Does it mean we need to resolve things and maybe talk through something? Yes, but does it mean we have to be angry and sad, upset, stubborn, all of those low vibrational energies all the time or for an extended period of time? No, so that was a big one for me.

Hannah: 42:01

The next thing is praising and recognizing myself in achievements more often, whilst also being able to call out. Call like call myself out for shit and accept, but be accepting of it, right? So I think, back in the day, it's very easy to you know when you start doing a self development journey, it's very easy to kind of not let me think about the word in this whole, let me just let this come in it's very easy to become self aware, to become self aware and to start doing things and then, even though you become aware of those like things that maybe you don't like about yourself, the things that are not maybe your best habits, but then starting to shame yourself and feeling guilty and feeling bad. And let me tell you, shame does not create change. If anything, you're just sabotaging yourself more.

Hannah: 43:06

And for me, a real big thing that's come with emotional maturity is the ability to feel like disappointed with myself or calling myself out of the shit, but without self shaming, without having to take it to a level whereby you get stuck in a cycle whereby you can't move on, you can't improve. Instead, it allows me to take ownership of, like, my shortcomings, but I'm not going to dehumanize myself, I'm not going to make myself feel like a fucking terrible human. Instead, it's like okay, I am human, I've worked on this or I've noticed this. I can work on this, I can change. I'm ever evolving Like I'm not going to be there, like you, idiot. How dare you like? Why did you do this? Like you're so bad, which is the cycle that I found myself being in in times.

Hannah: 43:55

And then it also allows you to handle what you would normally perceive as like a failure, with a bit more grace, a bit more levity and a bit more kind of Love, I guess, and I think that's really important. So that's something that I'm going to do, and definitely as well the praising and recognizing myself more, because I know most of us. You know I can jokingly say, oh, I'm amazing at this, like joking with my other half, or like with my friends, like joking around, but genuinely like I'm joking. But I often, like how often do we celebrate ourselves? I say you know what? Actually I worked really hard on that and I'm so fucking proud. Or like look how far I've come. We need more of that.

Hannah: 44:37

Like there is still a big side of me that, even though I am confident, even though that I like do all these things, I don't acknowledge it enough. We're all so quick to jump on all the negative things. It's like when you get, you know, 10 positive comments but one negative one. What do we focus on? Always a negative one. That can happen with self as well. So I really want to pour more praise and recognition to myself, and that doesn't. I have this thing. It's not about an arrogance thing, cause I hate this as well because then we're like, oh, people are so arrogant so we almost don't allow people to actually even get to a point of like do you know what this is? I'm fucking like I've killed this. But, as I said, as long as you've got that self-awareness to be able to call yourself upon your shit and be brutally honest and truthful with yourself, no matter what like I know that you can have that honesty with yourself then self praise and recognition is also really fucking important, and that's something that I want to really embrace going forward.

Hannah: 45:35

The next thing is not doing anything that feels off in my body, no matter what. We all know the times where we've sometimes, you know, been in a situation where we know it doesn't feel right, but we do it anyway. We know it doesn't feel right because we think for either we, sometimes we can't even explain why it doesn't feel right, we just know it feels off, but then we find out later down the line oh, this didn't work out, or this ended up getting fucked up, or you know, somebody did this, or I knew that person wasn't, you know, had the best intentions, but I did the thing anyway. Like if my body says no and I don't mean like making excuses, no, I'm saying if, like, my body is like this doesn't feel right or this is not a yes, right now I'm not doing it and I'm not ignoring it either, and I don't know when and how that's going to come up. And I'm definitely much better at it now. I do it a lot of the time, but there's still the sneaky times when I let it go, let it kind of override, even just as simple, and this is like a conditioning thing, 1 million percent.

Hannah: 46:39

But there's been a few occasions where I'm out and about and like, let's say, a man's made me feel a bit uncomfortable, not crazy uncomfortable, but just because I'm trying to like manage it, keep the peace, like not sure how it's going to go, but also like I've allowed myself to stay in that situation longer than I wanted to. Now I'm gone, I'm not even going to wait to feel anything further. Yes, I'll be polite. Yes, obviously you know you've got to think about your safety. I'm not saying that so you know I get we're in the real world. But at the same time, there are times where I could have easily rooming myself from a situation straight the way and I've let it play out longer. I'm just not going to do that anymore. Like if I'm on a train and I've got my earphones in, let's just say, and I'm listening to my music or I'm listening to a podcast, and somebody then turns around and has a conversation with me and I just don't want that conversation. I'm not going to. Instead of being like oh yeah, like holding a little small talk and then trying to put my earphones back in, I'm literally going to be like I'm really sorry, like I'm in the middle of something, like dead it, and that's what I'm going to do. That's going to be hard, but again, something I want to really embrace.

Hannah: 47:41

The next one is this is more of a again pulling myself up on my own shit. I'm not going to start no longer read or research or do self-development without taking action on it. If I'm going to read or do something, I have to take action on it. Obviously, I will caveat that with saying obviously, if I don't think what I've learned is helpful or useful, or I already know it or do it fine For example, I'm talking here read in a fiction book, I'm not going to go into action. Something from a fiction book that's for pure enjoyment. But if I'm trying to read and learn about something and it's something that I'm looking to increase my knowledge in, I'm going to start. I'm embodying that all the time. I'm taking the action, and there might be loads of things you can do, but I'm going to choose at least one.

Hannah: 48:25

What is the most needle-moving thing for me, and I'm going to do it immediately. Once I identify it, I'm going to do it immediately. I'm not going to wait until tomorrow, next week, the week after. I'm going to do it immediately Because, as I said, I ain't got no more time to waste. I want to be on this live, and so let me keep that momentum. Let me start building that serious trajectory in my life that I desire Not always being the strong one and being able to ask for help.

Hannah: 48:57

I just added that in for dramatic effect, because that is a huge one for me, because I've been let down in the past by people in times where, and again, this is a learning thing, an emotional or a charity thing, but whereby, you know, I've expected people to do things the way that I would handle it and do it and they haven't. And I've then been really upset by it or felt let down, like, oh, I can't rely on anybody, I've got to do everything myself. And it's created a very, very strong situation where I really struggle to ask for help, like I'm very conscious of not wanting to emotionally dump on people, be a burden and X, y, z and, but at the same time, like I'm human too, I'm not always strong or I don't always want to be strong. Like it is tiring, it can be lonely, it can be tedious. Like pretending I can do it all on my own, like I am fucking done with that. Don't get me wrong, I know I've always got my back and it's nice to know that in the back of my mind. I will always have my own back. Like, come what may, I'm going to be solid. But it would just be so nice to like do it with somebody else or have that support, and don't get me wrong, I'm fortunate that the close friends and family around me would do that for me. But because I've created this it's like self created I struggle to do it or ask for it when they're there.

Hannah: 50:25

And I definitely think as well there is a kind of again a deeper level to this of, first of all, you don't want to find out that you maybe don't have the backup and the support that you need, like when you're suddenly in the worst time of your life, like you're free, falling right, like that's a horrible way to find out and, as I said, I do not believe that that's going to be a situation for me, but more so like it is an honor for me for my friends and my family and my people to come to me and ask for help, to come to me and ask for support, because I, first of all, love their vulnerability, love their openness, love the fact that they trust me, love the fact that they regard me in such high esteem that they would trust me with that information, or think that I have the qualities to be able to support me, to support them. Sorry, that for me, is truly an honor and it's really what builds a relationship. Yet here I am not allowing somebody else to experience that for me, and so if, in some ways, it's kind of I'm actually being a little bit undermining, a little bit rude, a little bit untrusting, in the sense of being like, if I love doing that, why should I not allow those people that are close to me to do that for me and experience that, because that's only going to deepen your relationship. And when I had that kind of like like light bulb moment because, as I said, I've been thinking about these things for a while and when that went off my head, I was like, damn, I never, ever thought of it like that. But actually I'm not allowing my friends to be the friends that they might want to be or that they can be, because I'm there thinking, oh, I'm strong, independent woman, I'm going to do it all myself. I'm never going to ask for help, you know. And when I realized that, I was like, oh right, okay, I need to change that, and so that is something that I'm really going to be focusing on, and I think that is probably one that a lot of people are going to resonate with. So, hopefully, that little like thinking of it in a different way makes you think, oh, okay, maybe I need to be more forward with this.

Hannah: 52:44

The next thing is prioritizing and making effort to maintain relationships. You know I'm not saying I'm going to be chasing people down or anything like that, but I do feel like, as adults, cultivating relationships gets harder. But also like there is studies to show that as we get older, we see less and less people. We spend less and less time with people you know. At school you're with, you know 30, 40 kids all of the time, all day, and you're doing sports or like after school activities, whatever. And as you get older, you know you move on, your friends get smaller, your friends get smaller. But on the flip side of that, there are studies to show that you know having community and having people around you as you get older is literally the number one thing that can either kill you early or keep you alive.

Hannah: 53:33

And so, knowing that and, as I said, wanting to live a long, fruitful, happy, joyful life, community and relationships are so important and I'm so guilty because I enjoy my own company and I can be by myself of being hermit in that sense and like not necessarily building those relationships. So in my 30s, I'm going to put my leg out on a limb, I'm going to cultivate relationships, I'm going to message people first. I'm not going to wait for people to message me. Obviously we're going to cook, cook, cook. If I'm the one constantly chasing, like I'm not going to drain my energy, but I'm not going to wait their thing and, oh, I'll wait for them to text me this time or I'll wait for them to make the first move, like I'm going to cultivate these, these relationships, and I know that the ones that are worth having are going to come back to me in the same way and embrace me in the same way and make the effort in the same way.

Hannah: 54:16

But that is something that I definitely like have not been very good at, particularly in my later 20s. I have been very poor. I've only got a few more. I'm hoping these are helping, but the last couple are letting go of the idea that everybody has to have a positive opinion about me.

Hannah: 54:42

I know that I'm going to end up being a villain in someone's story and I feel like the quicker that I can get on board with that. You know, generally speaking, I'm like I don't give a fuck about what people think. But let's be real, we're all human and we do have our moments, and particularly, you know, as I want to grow the podcast and do this and do that, I'm going to potentially be in a situation where the more people that see this statistically means there's going to be someone out there that doesn't like me or thinks I'm boring, or thinks I don't know something or hates my voice or I don't know all the garbage that you see online, or maybe doesn't think that I'm authentic or doesn't think I'm this or doesn't resonate all of the things. That's fine, but I need to be able to accept that and be on board with the fact that for some people it's just going to be the way, the same way that some people are villains in my story. Right, it is what it is and I think getting on board with that quickly and you know the quicker you do that, the more freeing again it goes back to the next thing is not worrying that I'm too much for someone. I am too much sometimes, but that allows me to be the wonderful, unique human being that I am.

Hannah: 55:50

I have a lot of energy. I do sometimes speak too loud. I do sometimes get excited too excited and other people just aren't on that level. But that is me and I'm not gonna pretend it's not and those who want to embrace it will embrace it, and those who don't, that is absolutely fine. But you are not my people. I am not gonna hold back on being too much or worrying that I'm too much anymore because, again, as you get weirdly like when I was younger, I was less, I was more free with that, but as you get older and you find yourself, you know having to be like in corporate world or like molding yourself to different situations I do think that slowly, slowly, slowly, you try and like remove the too muchness just so that you can like get where you need to be, whereas actually I want to be all too much. And if that means it diverts me away from things that maybe when I was younger I would have been like oh well, I need that job, so I'm gonna do, I'm gonna be this way, but actually it's killing my soul. No like, if that's not gonna be, I'm not gonna like hold back on that.

Hannah: 56:54

The next one is allowing the courageous me to come out more, not the fearful me. They both exist, but I think and I'm again generally been quite good at this but I don't want to like, if they both exist, why can't the other one be out most of the time, instead of the you've, instead of the fearful one, why can't my create, courageous self lead the way, hold the beacon, take the step forward, and that's a choice. I choose to do that in every moment. So that's what I'm gonna do. And the final thing is embracing my body, my looks, my sensuality like, and my feminine for all that it is, and truly, truly embracing it. I want to.

Hannah: 57:42

I'm really setting them to my confident girl era and I'm with my body, and that doesn't mean that I think it's perfect, because I'm actually far from it right now. If anything, I'm like in the last few months of like my health and fitness has gone down the window. I'm probably the heaviest that I've ever been and you know people are gonna look at him like oh, but you know you're not fat or you're not this, you're not that. But you know like I don't feel my best. My body composition is not the best it's been. I'm not in shape like I like to be. You know like I can see where my stress has like stuck around my stomach and like the bad food choices I've made. You know my mood's not as good like all of those things. So I'm not where I want to be, but regardless of that, I want to slay.

Hannah: 58:25

I want to feel like when I I love dressing up and I love looking nice, but then oftentimes I don't, like I don't fully step into that and be like you know what, actually, today I do look fucking good. I do look good. I never do that for myself and I struggle when people give me compliments. I'm not, not gonna be that person anymore. I want the confidence of a two-year-old who doesn't care about anything, who just is themselves, and I'm gonna really really focus on that. So they're my things that have come up. There've been things that I've really really been thinking about and I think they're so powerful and, as I said, there's parts of them that I have been doing and there's parts of them I've been good at at times and not so good at other times. But, like, this is the time that I'm stepping into it, I'm no longer gonna be sometimes doing it, sometimes not, like this is the version of me, the green flags that I'm taking into my 30s.

Hannah: 59:23

So, with that being said, I hope you enjoyed that episode. I love to you to share yours. Let me know, like drop me a DM, let's chat, like tag me in a story, anything like that, because I always love to see what comes up for other people, especially when they hear like new reframes or hear other people sharing their kind of things like I love listening to other people do that. So thank you for joining me. Next week. We've got an amazing, amazing, amazing interview lined up with somebody I actually the first person I ever listened to a podcast for so I'm really excited about that full circle moment. So, as I said, don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss the notifications. I will be back next week as a 30 year old living my best life, living in the best decade yet. Hope you have an amazing, amazing week, love your loads and I will catch you next week's episode.